Hey hey! Just a quick update on what's going on lately...
I'm feeling much better now, I would say things are getting back to normal... somewhat....
When I see Joe I no longer lose my mind and go completely bananas, which is a good sign. Things between us are best described as 'Hot and Cold', which is kind of the usual for the past 5-6 months. Yeah it's been that long. There are still moments where I catch him staring at me intentionally, especially on days where I choose to ignore him. But on days where I do try to warm up and appear less bitchy, he turns a cold shoulder. I don't know how to read him or analyze our situation.
Neither of us is putting in enough effort, but we still care about each other enough to feel bothered about it. I can sense he is just as distressed about this whole thing as I am. I know because we both pretend not to acknowledge each other, even though we are both painfully aware that we are actually observing each other. It's awkward but neither of us wants to stop, or do anything about it. So yeah, fuck me, fuck him.
Apart from that, I'm doing good. Work is alright, weekends are great! Still planning my solo Hong Kong trip just weeks away. Lots more research to do and digest, but it's the kind of positive stress. Obviously when traveling solo, you know I'm going to have some fun hahaha.... Been researching the gay scene over there, basically I'm going to check out some saunas IF I have the time and happen to be in the area. Lots of options in Hong Kong. Anyone wanna recommend a place that I should go or things I shouldn't miss? :P
Haven't been to a sauna since.... Singapore. Don't really have the urge to have sex with anyone, no thanks to Joe. But I have been more horny than usual lately..... so that means spending a lot of time with my hands and laptop LOL.
AND I realized my body is changing. On one hand my chest is getting a little more defined lately, but on the other, my tummy is also getting rounder and larger. Very annoying. I have been exercising consistently and I don't eat that much either... so I don't know what's wrong. Hahaha if this trend continues I will be morphing into a Bear in a few years.... but I don't have the body hair, so does that mean I only become a chub? hahahaha I better work out more :P
Till then,
XOXO
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Sunday, August 11, 2013
SG Cruise Club review
When Hari Raya and S'pore National Day fall right before the weekend, you know it promises some fun times!
Not sure about the traffic and crowds here in the Klang valley, but I spent 3 days in Singapore and it was a nightmare, particularly on National Day where EVERYONE packed Marina Bay and it's surrounding area in the evening for the fireworks. Inside the Shoppes at Marina Bay, lines lines lines everywhere! Even in the Cold Storage convenient store the queue went all the way around the shop, and trying to get a table at the food court was like navigating through a battle field.
Rewind a day before that. Went to Chinatown for some *cough* fun in the evening. I never really noticed it before, but if you observe carefully around, you will spot signs of massage parlors that imply 'by men for men', and rainbow flags outside certain bars. The saunas remain relatively hidden from plain sight unless you know where to look for it.
Been to Absolute twice already, and the last time was a bit of a letdown, so I decided to check out the other it place in town: Cruise Club. It is one of the more happening saunas at the moment, and I can tell you the crowd was definitely there! http://www.cruiseclub.sg/
I arrived around 6.30pm, which was within the promo period for "Cadets" (meaning 18 to 25y/o) so the entrance was FREE, but I paid SGD10 to register as a member.
The theme that night was 'Hank Panky Eclipse', which is basically their usual Thursday theme of short towels, plus the 'Eclipse', meaning blackout on certain areas/floors. It was my first time there, so I wouldn't know whether it was darker than usual LOL, but apart from the usual dark room and maze, the other areas were still lit hahaha.
The place had 3 floors. The first was the usual lockers, gym, and at the back of it the steam room, a jacuzzi with views of the shower area which had transparent panels below waist level to provide a free show. I liked that they provided mouth rinse at the basin, and generally the place was clean and relaxing.
2nd floor was the activity zone, ie dark rooms/maze. Usual stuff. Took me a while to navigate around, not because the design was complicated, but because the place was packed! And I forgot to check out the 3rd floor, but I asked some guys and they told me it was just the bar and relaxing area.
At 7pm, there was an announcement to change to small towel, everyone had to go down and keep their regular sized towels. It was really cheeky because one staff member would stand by the stairs to hand out the small towel, but only when you have removed your large towel..... meaning to say you have to walk fully naked in a bright room from your locker to the stairs, which although was only a small distance, but when all the guys are just standing around and waiting, can be quite intimidating. Many guys were kind of hesitant and shy, and just waiting for someone else to strip and go first.
And I was somehow given a locker that was on the outer end, directly facing the stairs where all the guys were standing......... so I admit I was shy because I know everyone would see me, and they did =.= free show =.=
Anyway, after getting up, that's when the action really begins. The small towel is so short that it's not enough to wrap around your waist (think face towel), so basically you just cover your junk with it and expose your ass, or for those who couldn't care less, they just walked around bare. Everyone was given like a 'glow ring', not sure what you call that thing, but it's a fluorescent light thingy that they put on the chain with locker key you wear around your neck.
One thing I don't enjoy when it gets too crowded is that the action becomes more limited. Yes I know logically you would think the more the merrier, but sometimes when too many people are walking around, it is hard to get action... for many reasons..... including:
1. Too many guys to choose from, you become picky and don't wanna settle too quickly.
2. When so many pairs of eyes are on you, you become hesitant in making a move on someone
3. Hard to track someone because he moves away too quickly and then you see plenty of other faces
3. Not enough room for action, you lose that sense of privacy
The crowd was pretty mixed. Mostly young locals, some were a little older, probably between 20-30s. Many were shy and passive. Didn't see any chubs, most were ranging from slim to lean fit to muscular. Not that many hunks either. In terms of looks, well I would say it is decent, and overall better than Malaysian standards, but still.... not quite meeting my expectations.
I was approached, but wasn't interested in what I saw.... finally I settled with someone who was really persistent. He was sweet, but maybe a little older than I hoped. Body was muscular, but tummy was... not flat haha. OK I know I'm being super demanding. Won't gross you out with the details, but I couldn't quite enjoy myself during... because halfway through, Joe popped into my mind. It was a total turn off to be doing it with someone, but only having Joe in my thoughts. So sue me for missing him sorely. Suddenly I felt sadness and regret. Therefore it wasn't quite finished the way that guy wanted it to.
After which, he sensed something was wrong so we chatted a little. I told him about my issues and he consoled me LOL. He was 38, and told me that I shouldn't get caught up on guys like that, and should instead focus on building my life and career, that way the guys would come to me LOL. Being older, he told me he had experienced it all when it comes to relationships, and he emphasized that GAY RELATIONSHIPS NEVER LAST, and he said at the end of the day it becomes about sex. He was with someone for 9 years, but it didn't last.
Hearing that made me depressed. But after thinking about it, I realized what he said was about him, not me. Just because experience has taught him that same sex relationships don't work, doesn't mean it applies to every other person, because no two characters are the same.
I know it's fucking hard, a relationship is hard enough let alone a gay relationship which has so much more of a hump to overcome with the secrecy and discrimination and what not......... but I choose to believe, because I am that person who believes in love, and I know I'm not the only person who feels that way, so he's out there somewhere. The relationship may not last, but at least I still want to experience it and be in love with someone who feels the same way about me. So yeah......
Not giving up yet,
XOXO
Not sure about the traffic and crowds here in the Klang valley, but I spent 3 days in Singapore and it was a nightmare, particularly on National Day where EVERYONE packed Marina Bay and it's surrounding area in the evening for the fireworks. Inside the Shoppes at Marina Bay, lines lines lines everywhere! Even in the Cold Storage convenient store the queue went all the way around the shop, and trying to get a table at the food court was like navigating through a battle field.
Rewind a day before that. Went to Chinatown for some *cough* fun in the evening. I never really noticed it before, but if you observe carefully around, you will spot signs of massage parlors that imply 'by men for men', and rainbow flags outside certain bars. The saunas remain relatively hidden from plain sight unless you know where to look for it.
Been to Absolute twice already, and the last time was a bit of a letdown, so I decided to check out the other it place in town: Cruise Club. It is one of the more happening saunas at the moment, and I can tell you the crowd was definitely there! http://www.cruiseclub.sg/
I arrived around 6.30pm, which was within the promo period for "Cadets" (meaning 18 to 25y/o) so the entrance was FREE, but I paid SGD10 to register as a member.
The theme that night was 'Hank Panky Eclipse', which is basically their usual Thursday theme of short towels, plus the 'Eclipse', meaning blackout on certain areas/floors. It was my first time there, so I wouldn't know whether it was darker than usual LOL, but apart from the usual dark room and maze, the other areas were still lit hahaha.
The place had 3 floors. The first was the usual lockers, gym, and at the back of it the steam room, a jacuzzi with views of the shower area which had transparent panels below waist level to provide a free show. I liked that they provided mouth rinse at the basin, and generally the place was clean and relaxing.
2nd floor was the activity zone, ie dark rooms/maze. Usual stuff. Took me a while to navigate around, not because the design was complicated, but because the place was packed! And I forgot to check out the 3rd floor, but I asked some guys and they told me it was just the bar and relaxing area.
At 7pm, there was an announcement to change to small towel, everyone had to go down and keep their regular sized towels. It was really cheeky because one staff member would stand by the stairs to hand out the small towel, but only when you have removed your large towel..... meaning to say you have to walk fully naked in a bright room from your locker to the stairs, which although was only a small distance, but when all the guys are just standing around and waiting, can be quite intimidating. Many guys were kind of hesitant and shy, and just waiting for someone else to strip and go first.
And I was somehow given a locker that was on the outer end, directly facing the stairs where all the guys were standing......... so I admit I was shy because I know everyone would see me, and they did =.= free show =.=
Anyway, after getting up, that's when the action really begins. The small towel is so short that it's not enough to wrap around your waist (think face towel), so basically you just cover your junk with it and expose your ass, or for those who couldn't care less, they just walked around bare. Everyone was given like a 'glow ring', not sure what you call that thing, but it's a fluorescent light thingy that they put on the chain with locker key you wear around your neck.
One thing I don't enjoy when it gets too crowded is that the action becomes more limited. Yes I know logically you would think the more the merrier, but sometimes when too many people are walking around, it is hard to get action... for many reasons..... including:
1. Too many guys to choose from, you become picky and don't wanna settle too quickly.
2. When so many pairs of eyes are on you, you become hesitant in making a move on someone
3. Hard to track someone because he moves away too quickly and then you see plenty of other faces
3. Not enough room for action, you lose that sense of privacy
The crowd was pretty mixed. Mostly young locals, some were a little older, probably between 20-30s. Many were shy and passive. Didn't see any chubs, most were ranging from slim to lean fit to muscular. Not that many hunks either. In terms of looks, well I would say it is decent, and overall better than Malaysian standards, but still.... not quite meeting my expectations.
I was approached, but wasn't interested in what I saw.... finally I settled with someone who was really persistent. He was sweet, but maybe a little older than I hoped. Body was muscular, but tummy was... not flat haha. OK I know I'm being super demanding. Won't gross you out with the details, but I couldn't quite enjoy myself during... because halfway through, Joe popped into my mind. It was a total turn off to be doing it with someone, but only having Joe in my thoughts. So sue me for missing him sorely. Suddenly I felt sadness and regret. Therefore it wasn't quite finished the way that guy wanted it to.
After which, he sensed something was wrong so we chatted a little. I told him about my issues and he consoled me LOL. He was 38, and told me that I shouldn't get caught up on guys like that, and should instead focus on building my life and career, that way the guys would come to me LOL. Being older, he told me he had experienced it all when it comes to relationships, and he emphasized that GAY RELATIONSHIPS NEVER LAST, and he said at the end of the day it becomes about sex. He was with someone for 9 years, but it didn't last.
Hearing that made me depressed. But after thinking about it, I realized what he said was about him, not me. Just because experience has taught him that same sex relationships don't work, doesn't mean it applies to every other person, because no two characters are the same.
I know it's fucking hard, a relationship is hard enough let alone a gay relationship which has so much more of a hump to overcome with the secrecy and discrimination and what not......... but I choose to believe, because I am that person who believes in love, and I know I'm not the only person who feels that way, so he's out there somewhere. The relationship may not last, but at least I still want to experience it and be in love with someone who feels the same way about me. So yeah......
Not giving up yet,
XOXO
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Another Year
At the beginning of 2013, I honestly had the feeling that this was the year. Being in a happy, stable point in life, having a great bond with family and well settled into my current job, I felt ready for..... love. I know you cannot decide when exactly you're going to be in a relationship, but as I said, I felt like romance and having that special someone was the only thing missing in my life to feel complete.
That clarity was sadly missing from March to July, getting worse from month to month, no thanks to my unhealthy obsession with a certain someone.
That business is done, but it showed that perhaps I wasn't ready after all. Or maybe I was just too eager, and unrealistically hopeful.... maybe I wanted him just for the sake of being with someone. But I have to say, he is the only man I have had feelings for in a long time. Nobody catches my eye like him. It's not just about the looks, you can see he is a nice and gentle soul. Seeing him ignited a passion within me... but somewhere along the way it got out of hand and I took things too far.
So as my birthday approaches soon, I can't help but feel the clock ticking, and my wish for 2013 would not come true after all. I can live on my own, no doubt about that, but I just want to experience love like everyone else before I die.
I know, I have the rest of my life to find love and meet that someone and be in love.... but right now would be nice thank you very much.
At the mean time, it's gonna be a single 23 year old. I'm still thankful for family and the lovely colleagues I have. Last week they treated me to a lovely lunch even though I have been working there for less than a year :)
Staying positive,
XOXO
That clarity was sadly missing from March to July, getting worse from month to month, no thanks to my unhealthy obsession with a certain someone.
That business is done, but it showed that perhaps I wasn't ready after all. Or maybe I was just too eager, and unrealistically hopeful.... maybe I wanted him just for the sake of being with someone. But I have to say, he is the only man I have had feelings for in a long time. Nobody catches my eye like him. It's not just about the looks, you can see he is a nice and gentle soul. Seeing him ignited a passion within me... but somewhere along the way it got out of hand and I took things too far.
So as my birthday approaches soon, I can't help but feel the clock ticking, and my wish for 2013 would not come true after all. I can live on my own, no doubt about that, but I just want to experience love like everyone else before I die.
I know, I have the rest of my life to find love and meet that someone and be in love.... but right now would be nice thank you very much.
At the mean time, it's gonna be a single 23 year old. I'm still thankful for family and the lovely colleagues I have. Last week they treated me to a lovely lunch even though I have been working there for less than a year :)
Staying positive,
XOXO
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