The Toughest Week. Ever.

Last week was honestly the shittiest week I've ever endured emotionally. Like it's far worse than the damage 'year of Joe' did to me. I went to really dark places.

The only thing I really need to say is a big fat THANK YOU to the 2 friends I talked to about my current guy. Thank you both for getting me through it, I truly LOVE YOU TWO!!

There's so much to tell you all about my new guy. For starters, we aren't official yet, it's not a relationship. Technically we are supposed to be 'dating' (that's what precedes a relationship right?), but because we only knew each other for a couple of days before last week, where he was scheduled to spend a week in Singapore for work, so we haven't actually met in person!

Other things you should know. He's not local (from far far away), and has just moved to Malaysia but has relatives here. Lots of paper work to settle. Lots of uncertainties. He doesn't have a local number yet. So no data, no phone calls. The only thing that connects us is WiFi and our medium of communication is WeChat (coz Whatsapp requires a phone number)....

Against all odds, we got along really well.... like when you chat with someone online, within the first couple of days you will know whether there is chemistry... right away I felt this guy spoke well, was intelligent and had a sense of humor I totally understood and appreciated. Like I didn't want to leave my phone. Guys like this do not come along very often. I felt we made great progress, then he left for Singapore last Tuesday.

And that's when I went absolutely nuts. I texted him on Tuesday, there was no reply. Oh I should mention his profession involves crazy long hours and according to Tuls, they are very good at math LOL... Wednesday I texted him, expressing concern, asking him just to acknowledge if he is alright.... NO REPLY....

My mind was running wild.... coming up with countless theories.... Was he ignoring me on purpose? Can't be coz the day before he left we had a great chat.. Or what if he met someone else, or realized he just isn't into me? What if the feelings faded? Or maybe he has no WiFi at the hotel? Can't be right... Singapore is modern and high tech... how can he not have WiFi at all? Is he just super occupied with work? Still, he should check his phone right? All I ask is for him to acknowledge that he is alive and well..... OMG did something happen to him? Did he get into an accident? Is he in a hospital bed now? Did his plane even land in Singapore? Or did something happen to his phone, the only thing that connects us.... What if he lost his phone at the airport, or it dropped in a pool of water? OMG what if for some freaky reason we may never be able to reach out to each other again? He doesn't even know my full name yet.. how will he find me? How will I find him? What if he can't log into his WeChat account anymore? He would never see all the messages I left him..... What if I never hear from him again? I would never know the reason he disappeared, and I would never get closure....

So many UNCERTAINTIES. So much WAITING. I checked my phone every other hour just to see if there was a notification from him. Like it reached the point where I would think I heard the WeChat message alert tone, only to check my phone and realized there is no message..... I texted him once every day, hoping he would reply soon........ I went berserk, I cried, I chose to believe in him and have faith, then I got worried, and believed again, and confused, and worried again......  All I know is I liked him very much, and who knows how many years it will take before I meet someone like him again.....

Just ask the 2 people I bothered the entire week. It was too much to handle I had to talk to someone and vent all my craziness..... Both of them were supportive in their own way, and offered advice the best they know how.... Their opinions were valid and it kept me from going insane... They both mentioned the same thing, which was the fact that they didn't know my guy, so they wouldn't know like whether he was for real and whether his intentions for me were true.... Thank you for looking out for me! :)

I tried my hardest to have faith in him. I really did. The simplest explanation was that he was just super busy, and there was no WiFi at the client's office and at the hotel. Still, I was extremely worried. Not hearing from him made me fear for his well being, and whether we would ever talk again. I would be devastated if he disappeared.

Sunday morning. I woke up to the familiar beep. Finally..... after 5 days of extreme emotions, he texted. He was at Changi airport, where he finally had WiFi. Turns out he really was working super long hours and only getting like 3 hours of sleep each day, and the hotel didn't had WiFi..... When he finally explained it, it seemed like all my concern was for no big deal, but you have no idea how much pain I went through....

We had a very long chat until he literally had to run to the gates for boarding.... And happy to say we're good now :) Although more travels await him (I hate his job), but more on that later!!

XOXO
Relieved J-boy