Heart Pounding Super Fast

OK, I know I'm a f*cking bitch for what I'm about to say... yes it's about Joe again. I know you guys think I'm pathetic, but something IS happening. Every time I think it's over, he gives me a stronger sign.

Today is by far the most extreme, to the point where I'm completely disoriented and my face is still red hot now.

Just another usual work out. I see him, he sees me. He stays cool, I spy on him. His hair is now the longest I have ever seen, but neatly gelled with the preppy smart boy look. I DIG IT. OK that's not the point.

Normally he has his usual work out zones. Today as I was sitting at the abs machine, he brought 2 free weights and positioned himself directly across me. NOT his usual spot at all. Basically if I look straight, I see him. When lifting those weights, he gave me a full view of his back, from head to butt to those long legs haha. I had a good, long look at his arms and thighs. Then he would turn and sit on a bench facing me. At first we looked at each other, but then we would both look away. It's stupid.

We stayed there for some time, I couldn't take it any more and made a move to the locker room for a quick drink. When I came out and walked towards the machines, I almost crashed into him. Suddenly he was in front of me, just finished filling his bottle of protein shake at the dispenser. At that instant of avoiding into crashing into each other, we looked at each other and I clearly gave the stunned face because I wasn't expecting him to have moved so quickly. 

Right after that I sat at one of the chest machines facing him. AND THEN something AMAZING happened. He kept looking at me. NON-STOP. As in he turned to face me while taking his drink. I'm certain it was me because there was no one behind me, it was a wall. It became quite uncomfortable for me because I knew he was looking at me, but I give myself credit for staring back at him for as long as I could before my heart started to pound like crazy and then I would look at everything else but him. He didn't smile or frown or give much expression. It was like he was just observing (admiring?) me. I wanted to smile but I was so nervous my face froze and was just as blank as his.

Not sure what that meant, but this time I can say with 100% certainty that he was staring at me. Long stares. So what does it mean? I was too shocked and nervous to do or say anything. I've stalked him long enough to know that he wouldn't normally stare at someone like that. So am I crazy for thinking that's a positive sign?

After he finished his drink and washed his bottle, he left the gym. I was still stunned in my seat, and it took me a few minutes to process what had happened. I think he was trying to get closer to me. So without even finishing my workout or shower, I grabbed my things in the locker and dashed to the parking spot where I know we both normally park. I told myself I was going to make the first move and just confess my feelings to him.

But I was too late. He was no where to be seen. My face was still red hot and I felt completely off, like not sure if I even had all my things in my bag. I wasn't going back to the gym because everyone would think it's weird, so I went home feeling all kinds of emotions......

And that's why I felt the need to write it down...... Surely that's a sign that he feels something for me right? Or at least he is in some way intrigued with me? But why hasn't he said hi? Why can't he be a man and just make the move? Arggghhhh I just want to slap that gorgeous face of his and then make out with him..........

OK I'm done....... this was the release I needed.
Thank you for reading.

XOXO

What Should I Buy? Help Me :)

Hello peeps! Haven't been blogging much, and most of it has been about him. It's depressing, I realize I have been ill and deluded..........

Anyway, calling all camera experts and photonistas! I require your advice :)

So whenever I want to buy something, I get all obsessive in doing research and comparing brands and product specs to make sure I get the most value for every penny I spend. Been on the hunt for a new compact camera, YES a simple compact camera will do. I'm no DSLR person, what I need is something convenient and light weight to use while I'm traveling. Something I can just whip out easily when I spot something worth snapping. Preferably a camera that doesn't require much manual adjustment (think Intelligent Auto) and can give me the best quality shot, even at night haha.

OK I know it's super demanding for a compact camera..... Anyway, based on a budget of not more than RM800, I have narrowed it down to the players below:

1. Canon Power Shot SX160 IS
http://www.canon.com.my/personal/products/compact-cameras/powershot/powershot-sx160-is?languageCode=EN    
RM699, 16MP, 16x Optical Zoom
Pros: Sleek, professional looking, Intelligent IS, creative filters and modes
Cons: Bulky, weighs 291g (a little too heavy to fit in pocket), Not WiFI enabled

2. Panasonic Lumix DMC-SZ5
http://www.panasonic.com.my/wps/portal/home/products/digitalimaging/compactcamera/stylishzoom/LUMIXDMCSZ5
RM749, 14MP, 10x Optical Zoom
Pros: Slim, light weight (136g), WiFi enabled to connect with smartphone/PC
Cons: Less MP and Optical Zoom, sensor is CCD (which is supposed to be secondary to CMOS), Highest price

3. Sony Cyber Shot DSC-WX80 
http://www.sony.com.my/product/dsc-wx80
RM699, 16MP, 8x Optical Zoom
Pros: Stylish and chic, Light weight (124g), CMOS sensor, WiFi enabled to connect with smartphone/PC, picture effects
Cons: Lowest Optical Zoom, not sure about image quality

4. Olympus Stylus SZ-16
http://www.olympusimage.com.my/products/compact/s_series/sz16/
RM699, 16MP, 24x Optical Zoom
Pros: Best Optical zoom, CMOS sensor, 'Magic' filters
Cons: Bulky, weighs 227g, Not WiFi enabled

5. Nikon Coolpix S6500
http://www.nikon.com.my/en_MY/product_details.page?DCRPath=templatedata/en_MY/saleable_product_information/data/Digital%20Compact%20Cameras/Style/COOLPIX%20S6500.xml&CategoryID=gp11zl1m&currentTab=gp11zl1x&currentLink=
RM728, 16MP, 12x Optical Zoom
Pros: Sleek, relatively light (153g), CMOS sensor, WiFI enabled to connect with smartphone/PC, 'Smile timer', Comes in many colours LOL
Cons: Not the lightest in this list, not the coolest design

SO based on my analysis, the Canon and Olympus models are kind of in the same category, being heavier and probably more pro and all. I guess I prefer something lighter and slimmer, so right now I'm leaning towards the Sony and Nikon models. Nikon seems to be the more logical choice, but there's something about the Sony model that appeals to me. It's just sexier hahaha....

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK? All input will be taken into consideration. And if you wanna recommend even better models, please do so! Thanks a million k :)

On the road to being myself again,
XOXO
J-boy 

OK So...... I Was Wrong

I knew better. Guess I just wanted to believe so hard. There were signs of something that could have been. Maybe some of them were true, maybe some were just made up in my head.

I'm tired. Really tired. Long story short: Joe doesn't like me that way.

No, I didn't confess to him. I didn't need to. His actions lately (or rather, lack of) made me realize he doesn't look at me that way. He's distant, almost ignorant to my existence. If you like someone you constantly keep an eye on them right? He doesn't do that. Maybe he's just a friendly guy, that looks around and gives me a smile occasionally. I don't know.

He's way too hot for me anyway. He hangs with the hunky, good looking bunch.

And I'm just mental.

End of story.




 

A Walk To Remember

Well........ Joe and I met again today, in the most romantic fashion haha....

Don't worry, I'm not going down the crazy obsessive road again. It's just nice to see him, that's all.
If I'm lucky, I run into him like once a week now. And he does look happy when he sees me. And I'm pretty sure he gives me a second look every time we meet.

Today's encounter was like taken out of a romance movie. I swear I'm not exaggerating.

I arrived just a little before him. On my way out from the locker room I walked towards the cardio section. On the other end of the path, Joe appears walking towards me (locker room).

I'm telling you, it's a classic romance scene. One straight path, we stand on opposite ends.

We walked towards each other, we establish eye contact. It's like no one else is around. He was smiling, not sure if it was at me (I'm kind of sure he was staring at me), or he saw something behind me LOL.

Eventually the path gets narrower in the middle (coz of the monkey bar that gets in the way), the point where we would bump into each other.
I start to panic and my immediate reaction is to bend my head down and stare at the ground.

As we cross each other, I turned to the side while walking so that we won't hit each other. That's like the closest I have ever been to him, physically. And I realized he's quite tall, almost a head taller than me! And he's quite tanned, bet he spends a lot of time outdoors. His hair has gotten a little longer, with this slightly nerdy and flat styling. It's cute.

My heart pounds rapidly, and I get all giddy and smile like an idiot as I jog on the treadmill.

The rest of the night we were kind of doing our own things. Obviously I glanced at him a few times, but he was just focused on working out and chatting with a few people every now and then.
Stupid thing is I got jealous when I saw him talking to this other hot guy, who looks pretty gay to me LOL.

But that moment that we had today, is something I will cherish.
Joe, you may not feel the same way about me, but I will always have a spot for you in my heart.
Truly, and sincerely, I'm as real as I can be ❤ ❤ ❤

XOXO

Linger

When you see a post title like that, you know who it's about.

How long has it been? I didn't exactly keep track, but it feels like a while now, almost convinced that I've moved on.

Haven't seen Joe in a while. Timing problem I guess.
Then..... appearing today, brought back a flood of emotions.

Happy, just to see him, to feel his presence at the gym, admiring his physicality, his facial expressions. His awesomeness.
Nervous, for no real reason, I get so uneasy when I see him. It's hard to concentrate.
Sad, because it reminds me of all the time I've wasted and went nut job crazy, yet here we stand, strangers more than ever.

The funny thing is, even until today, the way he looks at me, and notices me as I walk by.... I'm almost certain there's something more....... more than just strangers in the gym.

Yet neither of us has what it takes to make the first move. We're both too afraid. Or at least that's what I think is going on between us. The risk is just too much. Our egos get in the way.

I have a confession to make. I've been promiscuous lately. Having sex with a different guy every weekend for the past month or so. The disappointment of this whole Joe thing, left me emotionally and sexually deprived. As I said, I was saving myself for Joe, but since he didn't want me.... I decided I should go get some. And that I did.... Sex has been great lately. I don't regret it. It feels damn good.

However, being sexually satisfied doesn't compensate the emotional department. Seeing Joe today, just made me yearn for him again. Someone to love. To be loved. He's still my ideal man. I'm beginning to see some of his flaws, that he's not all that great and untouchable, which makes him more on level with me in a way, and I find that to be even more attractive.

I just don't know what to do.
Fuck.

XOXO

Singaporean Luck

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Eat Your Heart Out

OK, first order of business.

I apologize if the new blog header offends you, or took you by surprised. I sure hope you weren't in a public place or in the office when you viewed my blog hehehe.

Let me know if it's too much. I'll remove it.... eventually.

I just felt like doing it..... I mean taking skanky pics of myself. This is the post-break up (even though Joe and I weren't ever together) sexy, crazy acting out phase. Showing Joe what he's missing even though he won't probably ever see this.

As for my blog readers, I guess I have never really showed you any pics of myself or body LOL, so here's something for you.....

Again I apologize if this is not what you wanted to see! This is just a one off thing, I won't be doing this in the next few posts! *promise*

OK, am I wrong for saying I have a nice ass?
It appears tight and shapely mostly due to the tightness of the briefs haha.

And I don't actually look that tanned. I edited the colour, brightness and contrast. In real life, I'm fair as a vampire.

And yup, I'm sucking in my tummy hahaha. That's the one area of my body I dislike :S

I tried taking pics of my chest from several angles (OK that sounds bloody vain), to try to show the shape and define-ness *cough cough*, but in the end couldn't find the right angle so just took a frontal shot :3

Please don't hate me k!

XOXO