Heart Pounding Super Fast

OK, I know I'm a f*cking bitch for what I'm about to say... yes it's about Joe again. I know you guys think I'm pathetic, but something IS happening. Every time I think it's over, he gives me a stronger sign.

Today is by far the most extreme, to the point where I'm completely disoriented and my face is still red hot now.

Just another usual work out. I see him, he sees me. He stays cool, I spy on him. His hair is now the longest I have ever seen, but neatly gelled with the preppy smart boy look. I DIG IT. OK that's not the point.

Normally he has his usual work out zones. Today as I was sitting at the abs machine, he brought 2 free weights and positioned himself directly across me. NOT his usual spot at all. Basically if I look straight, I see him. When lifting those weights, he gave me a full view of his back, from head to butt to those long legs haha. I had a good, long look at his arms and thighs. Then he would turn and sit on a bench facing me. At first we looked at each other, but then we would both look away. It's stupid.

We stayed there for some time, I couldn't take it any more and made a move to the locker room for a quick drink. When I came out and walked towards the machines, I almost crashed into him. Suddenly he was in front of me, just finished filling his bottle of protein shake at the dispenser. At that instant of avoiding into crashing into each other, we looked at each other and I clearly gave the stunned face because I wasn't expecting him to have moved so quickly. 

Right after that I sat at one of the chest machines facing him. AND THEN something AMAZING happened. He kept looking at me. NON-STOP. As in he turned to face me while taking his drink. I'm certain it was me because there was no one behind me, it was a wall. It became quite uncomfortable for me because I knew he was looking at me, but I give myself credit for staring back at him for as long as I could before my heart started to pound like crazy and then I would look at everything else but him. He didn't smile or frown or give much expression. It was like he was just observing (admiring?) me. I wanted to smile but I was so nervous my face froze and was just as blank as his.

Not sure what that meant, but this time I can say with 100% certainty that he was staring at me. Long stares. So what does it mean? I was too shocked and nervous to do or say anything. I've stalked him long enough to know that he wouldn't normally stare at someone like that. So am I crazy for thinking that's a positive sign?

After he finished his drink and washed his bottle, he left the gym. I was still stunned in my seat, and it took me a few minutes to process what had happened. I think he was trying to get closer to me. So without even finishing my workout or shower, I grabbed my things in the locker and dashed to the parking spot where I know we both normally park. I told myself I was going to make the first move and just confess my feelings to him.

But I was too late. He was no where to be seen. My face was still red hot and I felt completely off, like not sure if I even had all my things in my bag. I wasn't going back to the gym because everyone would think it's weird, so I went home feeling all kinds of emotions......

And that's why I felt the need to write it down...... Surely that's a sign that he feels something for me right? Or at least he is in some way intrigued with me? But why hasn't he said hi? Why can't he be a man and just make the move? Arggghhhh I just want to slap that gorgeous face of his and then make out with him..........

OK I'm done....... this was the release I needed.
Thank you for reading.

XOXO