Ready for Love?

Recently there's been a change in me.

All the boyfriend dreams (yeah, I had another one, which featured kissing on a rooftop while some people were committing suicide by jumping off the edge, it's so Lana Del Rey haha) could be an indicator that I crave for something more.

I know it's hard to believe I can change so suddenly, even I do not quite believe it completely, nor do I know how to explain it. It's just how the heart feels. It's the emotions, the giddiness of wanting to be with someone again.. I think the word is 'hopeful again'. I used to feel like that a long time ago, but suppressed those feelings after constantly walking into dead ends and un-reciprocated feelings.

For a long time I taught myself how to be fine on my own, in fact I still feel fine about it now. But it's a realization that I don't have to be so alone. To not be so afraid of opening up and being vulnerable, I always say I used to be such an emotional wreck and naive when I was in love, and hopelessly delusional and scarring my mind. I fear going back there. But now my maturity has widened.  

Maybe it's the change of year, the slipping away of time that made me realize I need something more than just sex. Also probably the questioning of my old lifestyle, and how it may affect my health and well being.

Can't say how I will feel about this next month, let alone next week.... but right now I'm quite certain.

Easier said than done though, now that I know I want to date, doesn't mean I will be able to find someone hahaha..... I might have entered the market a little too late LOL, or have NO market value in the dating realm as compared to the sex realm :(

Regardless, at least I'm taking a step in that direction!!

Wish me luck haha, I need it :P
XOXO