Looking At Me

Lately I noticed some people have been eying me, like not just guys, but also women and some random people on the street. Which makes me wonder what they are looking at...

It could be the 'Oh that guy is hot/cute/handsome' kind of stare, or the 'Ughh that guy is hideous/weird/gay' kind of stare. Honestly I can't be sure which it is LOL. I don't see looks of disgust on people's faces, but also no obvious smiles or nods of approval hahaha. Just stares.

Ever since I got a haircut for CNY which involved shaving both sides of the head, leaving spiky hair only at the top, I think that has given me a cooler, edgier look haha... like I've never had my hair that short on the sides before. And I'm also starting to come into my own in terms of personal style. My sisters have been impressed with my choices lately, and I rarely get fashion misses now :P
I no longer look shabby compared to when I was still in college wearing baggy T-shirts and didn't care that much about fashion. My dress sense is more polished these days, but also much more GAY haha. I think it has become more obvious, but I don't really care.

My body is also in better shape I guess, I'm not as skinny as I used to be. I feel healthier. After gymming for more than a year, I can definitely see some differences in the mirror. So overall the confidence is higher. And when you're comfortable in your own skin, I think other people start to notice and appreciate it as well.

But then again, that could all be in my head.

But I can say from observation, since I got the hair cut, more guys stare at me when I'm at the gym haha :P I also noticed I only get attention when I'm wearing contact lenses. Some days when I feel tired/lazy after work, and just show up at the gym with glasses and messy hair, almost NO guys check me out LOL!! That shows the importance of personal grooming, and NOT wearing spectacles haha!

I'm still feeling the same way about relationships as my previous post, so I'm feeling much more..... (what's the word) like I don't know how to describe it, just feeling unrealistically hopeful and every time I see a guy that is kind of my type or is just generally hot, I will feel flirty and wonder if he's into me or not, and I fee like I just want to jump into the dating train right away (or jump into his arms hahaha), and perhaps I wish for things to happen way too quickly than it should ideally, because I know from past experience that I fall too easily, and usually for all the wrong people and wrong reasons, but my heart right now just craves for male attention, and the heart's irrationality has somehow suppressed my mind's rationality and logic (it's like my normally strong willed mind is now weirdly submissive after being drugged by hippies and lets my crazy heart take over), so I seem to be very easily attracted to like just any guy that is relatively hot or fits certain criteria, or sometimes when a stranger just happens to make eye contact with me or stands next to me, then I start fantasizing about him, and I know that's highly childish and stupid on so many levels, I mean it's like been there, done that kind of shit, but I can't help feeling that way lately, since 2013 I've been like a hopeless romantic maniac, I haven't even had sex with strangers anymore because I want to make that change, and so I feel like I need a date right now, and oh my god the thought that I'm going to spend Valentine's alone this year just upsets me, even though I've done that for so many years, but this year feels different, I feel different, but things might not happen that quickly, and for something to really work out, it shouldn't happen that quickly, but my heart says fuck it, I want something to happen now.
OK shit, I salute you if you read this entire paragraph, and yes I deliberately wrote it in one mega sentence, to really express how despo I'm feeling hahahaha....

So I guess it's a good thing that people are noticing me, whether it's for good or bad reasons LOL.

XOXO