Now this is something I've always wanted to do, but never really had the guts to follow through.... till now.
Maybe it's the stigma associated with anyone who has a need to do a test, or just a fear of what the result might be.... I mean, I've always taken necessary precautions, I don't think I have ever had sex in a compromised condition, nor have I been raped or anything.... Still......... I have had more sexual partners in the past couple of years than I can remember or keep count, so that's not really a good sign.... Heck, I don't even remember who was the second last person I had fun with... Most I don't even remember their names or how they look like.
So there's always a possibility of What If the result comes back and it's............ would I really want to know right now? It could change my world forever.
I don't really know how I feel about it. On one hand I really do enjoy sex, it's like a recreation for me... a physical activity that you can engage with another person for mutual pleasure. God it feels damn good to be one with another human. On the other hand, I'm somehow made to feel (thanks to society) that it is wrong to be a whore. Apparently it's not morally acceptable to screw with many / random people. I don't feel too bad about doing it, but then again I think if it's something I wouldn't tell my friends or family, then it probably isn't such a good thing right? This may be hard for some of you to understand or accept, I can't really explain it myself.... There are just urges that can't be controlled, and when relief feels so mind blowingly awesome, how can you resist?
I don't know what made me call to make an appointment for the testing tomorrow. It's not a clinic, I just don't feel comfortable being judged by doctors or nurses. Somewhere else. Still, the idea terrifies me. I don't like talking to other (read: non gay) people about my personal preferences. They try to understand but they will never truly get it. Mixture of so many emotions. My heart is already beating faster than usual as I type this.... But eventually it needs to get done. Time to put this goal to bed once and for all.
Will fill you guys in on the details after the test.
XOXO
=) u be fine. i had the same feeling during my first check also. now it became a routine already LOLOLOL
ReplyDeletethank you! yeah the first time is always the scariest... but now I think I won't be as intimidated the next time :P
Deletei usually go to the hospital for HIV and STD checkup. They come in one package.
ReplyDeleteOne thing about going to the hospital for checkup is that they would never ever question your sexuality. That's the only thing I like about it plus hospital check-up is much reliable. Though it quite costly in that sense but it relives you once u know it's all negative.
Don't worry about it. I did some stupid things few times and I was afraid to dead. Some temptation u just couldn't resist but you will regret doing it in the end .
Hmm... I never thought about going to a hospital to get tested... just seems so drastic haha... I wouldn't even know which department to go to hahaha..... But thanks for sharing :)
Deleteno need to worry,but better be checked rather than left unchecked:)
ReplyDeleteTrue that! I was telling myself, if the result is going to be +, getting the result is not going to change anything because it is already inside me if it were there... So I'd rather find out sooner and start dealing with it....
Delete