Something New

Every now and then we meet someone online that clicks with us. :)

Sure it's rare, and I am still skeptical about forming true and sustainable bonds through the World Wide Web... but sometimes you just get proven wrong. Usually you can tell within the first conversation if there's chemistry or not. Amazing that when there is, things just move on so quickly... for me at least haha :)

I swear I wasn't really looking. I yearn for company, but certainly not begging for it now. Especially after recent events, I prefer to stick to myself. So it's really pleasant how life takes you by surprise.

OK maybe I'm exaggerating a little. I still don't know where this is going. From past experience, as well as my bro as an example ;P, I know I shouldn't rush things. Certainly no sending of crazy or emo messages or throwing myself at him. Also I need to distinguish carefully the difference between lust and love. I have learned my lesson and will use my previous mistakes to guide my future decisions!

That's the best part about growing older. You learn as life goes on.
And FYI, this person is not one of the bloggers just in case you were wondering ;)

Pissed

I hate it when people are dishonest or manipulative.
So annoying.

2 days ago a friend asked if I wanted to attend a "talk" about a new educational online service. Apparently some sort of e-learning tool. His friend was giving the talk. I asked for details but he wouldn't give it to me. He just kept on saying things like 'Just come listen, it's interesting' and 'what do you have to lose? just come'.

I'm never good at rejecting offers or requests from friends. If it were a stranger I would have said a big NO. But since we are friends (he's my junior), I thought what the heck, since it's an educational thing, just check it out rite...

So I went today. It wasn't a talk. More like a one on one discussion. That guy brought a laptop and started talking about their service. LOL it was actually for primary and secondary school students. He was describing how the program works, how parents would get a report on their child's progress, and the cost of the package, etc. So at this point, I thought, OK maybe the company is doing a survey on Uni students, to see if the product is useful since we used to be in high school not too long ago.

Turns out they were trying to get me to sign up for some sort of partnership. You know, as in selling their product for them. My immediate reaction was 'WTF? You have been beating around the bush for over 20 minutes... without a single hint that this is a sales thing', but of course all I did was smile even though I was raged. I did say some sarcastic things though. Like he said, it's important to network and communicate, otherwise what's the point of having a mouth. And my reply was, 'Erm, to eat?'.

This isn't too bad. I was more put off by that guy's attitude. He's only 19, a year younger than me. And he was saying how we should be independent and not rely on our parents for money, suggesting that I was a spoiled brat. He went on to say that he was 'successful', 'very mature' and parents that he talked to were 'impressed by his maturity'. When I heard that, I wanted to puke.
At times he raised his voice and spoke as though he was so great and I was stupid not to sign up.
We had a short debate, then I made an excuse that I had to leave and we said the insincere 'thanks and bye' to each other.

Sigh. Seriously. I was so put off by his methods. Using deception and aggression to promote your company is not wise at all. So much for maturity. And my friend, he knew what was going on because he actually signed up for it recently. He should have given the details to me straight up.

Now the 3 of us wasted our afternoon.
And yes, this is me bitching hahaha. :P

Solo

Usually I have no problem being alone. I embrace singlehood and the sense of independence that comes with it. In fact I don't even need the constant company of friends. I can be quite a loner. Spending too much time with other people irritates me. Especially if they don't stop talking. I avoid large crowds. I enjoy the moments spent alone, sitting at a cafe enjoying the view, or just at home listening to music. It's peaceful and relaxing.

However I'm not enjoying it as much lately. At times it feels too quiet. This has nothing to do with him. I'm already over it. For sure. I don't think about him on a daily basis anymore, don't think about looking at his facebook page anymore. Most importantly the feeling has faded. He made it go away.

Maybe it had something to do with stuff that happened last week. Being sick and kind of down, I felt even more low when my family kind of ditched me. Everyone had plans of their own, and they never considered to ask me to join in. Well actually I was busy with work so I wouldn't have gone with them anyway, but at least they could have asked. I had many meals last week on my own which kind of sucks.

Also I feel distant with my uni mates. We talk in class but I don't hang out with them. I just don't click with them beyond the classroom. They are nice people individually, but the gangs that they have formed... I just don't see myself fitting into any one, especially when they are already so close, I would feel like an outsider when hanging with them. I don't like to conform or change myself just to fit in. And you already know I'm weird and not exactly talkative :p

All the buddies that I can connect with are high school mates. But it's natural that we get more and more separated over time. We still have gatherings occasionally, and we are always happy to see each other and have loads of fun, but it just doesn't feel the same anymore.


So the summary for this post: I'm a lonely loner that isn't enjoying the loneliness alone.
You know I actually hate the word 'lone'. I prefer 'solo'. Sounds less desperate. But maybe that's what I am now.......

ill

It's bound to happen.
We all fall sick at some point no matter how fit you are or try to be.

I'm actually surprised how long I have managed to stay sick-free because last year I kept getting ill. Nothing serious, just the usual flu or fever. Hehe I must have good antibodies or T-cells or B-cells LOL.

Every time there is a wave, when I see people in Uni coughing their lungs out or sneezing till their noses turn red, I keep my fingers crossed that I don't get the bug. Well, guess I didn't cross hard enough this time. >.<

The flu and fever is easy to manage, just pop in some pills and you get some relief. But the part I dread is the lethargy and body aches. And also how food seems to become quite tasteless. It's worse when you have assignments to be done. Climbing up a hill is already hard, but now it feels like I'm doing it while carrying a heavy load on my back.

Sorry for being M.I.A. lately. I have been reading your blogs, just tired to comment. And I haven't been appearing much on msn either, but thanks to those who have talked to me! :) Hope I will be back on full force soon!

Have a nice weekend! :)

Social Experiment

I like to try new things.

So I have set up a new email account to get to know you guys a little better.
Yes I'm doing this because I feel lonely and occasionally horny lol. But this is not a call for random fun. Trying to meet someone genuine, whether it's for friendship or relationship we will see. I'm not looking for a rebound guy to get over him, so don't worry. In it for something real.

So whether you are a blogger or reader, you can write to me if you want to at:
jboy@live.com.my

Or maybe even MSN. I'll log in when I'm free :)
Please don't hesitate, I like having things to read and I'm generally friendly. Unless you only have nasty or cynical things to say... then don't bother because I will not entertain any of that :)

And please tell me who you are... esp if you are a fellow blogger.
And please don't lie or steal another person's identity because the truth will come out eventually.

Thanks very much guys, I really hope to hear from someone soon haha :)
Have a great day!

Rihanna Bisexual?

I have been listening to a lot of music to help with the healing.
Sad songs to cry it out, angry loud songs to release the tension, and lots of motivational tracks to lift my spirits. It definitely helps.

Have you seen the music video for Rihanna's Te Amo? Heard this song on Hitz.fm long ago but didn't know there was a video for it till today. And no wonder it wasn't played on TV. The theme for the video is quite clear. Nowadays artists will do just about anything to garner public attention.

I gotta admit Rihanna looks real hot with another woman. I wouldn't be surprised if she went wild once in a while, especially since the whole Chris Brown incident. I know she's dating men, but we will never know what happens behind closed doors rite haha. That's what makes it so exciting, the fantasy of what could be... that's how artists sell.




I like to stay up-to-date with the latest songs. Did you realize that dance music is becoming the new pop in America? Probably spearheaded by Lady Gaga, many artists are leaning towards the dance genre now. Think of songs like Flo Rida and David Guetta's Club Can't Handle Me, Taio Cruz's Dynamite and this hot dude Mike Posner with his song Cooler Than Me. Such a sexy and smooth voice! :)

Another guy with a great voice is Bruno Mars... his latest Just The Way You Are will probably serenade and melt the hearts of lots of ladies (and some of us hahaha).

In terms of crushes, I have always had a thing for Maroon 5 frontman Adam Levine. So sexy, what a face *drools*. Don't you agree? Wasn't always a fan of his squeaky voice, but I eventually liked the band's songs like Makes Me Wonder and the latest Misery.


So glad the weekend is approaching. Need to have some fun! :)

The End of Eric

This is the last post about him. I probably will mention him in the future, but there will no longer be entire posts about him.

Before I continue embarking on my soul searching journey, I had to get a final word from him. I never had proper closure, he just stayed silent all this while. So he's always in my head. Never could get him out completely because in my mind, I somehow believed that there may still be hope.

You guys may not get it, but what I feel for him is real. The feeling has been lingering for so long so I know what it is. I'm quite sure it's not just lust and infatuation. I really feel like we would compliment each other well and he is a good guy you know. Serious about work and friendly and responsible. Good candidate for a husband you know.

So I sent him a message this evening. Will not post what I said here. But I think his response will be sufficient:
Aren't you persistent.
But seriously u gotta move on. I am not what you are looking for . I hope you found the right person one day . Bye and good luck for your exams.

He said it in a nice way. Notice that he said 'I am not what you are looking for' instead of 'You are not what I am looking for'. He's being polite. But I wish he would have said more. Like why not give me a chance, or what exactly was the problem. But it's enough. I don't need to hear anymore.

Oh well. There. This is closure. I was sad. Still a little sad now. Not angry at him. Not angry at the world. I think the fact that I have already been trying to forget him and moving on for weeks now is helpful. It's like cushioning the impact. So now I don't feel as bad. Maybe it's the numbness as well.

I got what I wanted. The truth. And he was sweet enough to deliver it in a thoughtful way. IT'S OFFICIALLY OVER.

Alright.. I'm just going to be sad for a little while now.... Tomorrow when I wake up, it will be a new day.