Usually I have no problem being alone. I embrace singlehood and the sense of independence that comes with it. In fact I don't even need the constant company of friends. I can be quite a loner. Spending too much time with other people irritates me. Especially if they don't stop talking. I avoid large crowds. I enjoy the moments spent alone, sitting at a cafe enjoying the view, or just at home listening to music. It's peaceful and relaxing.
However I'm not enjoying it as much lately. At times it feels too quiet. This has nothing to do with him. I'm already over it. For sure. I don't think about him on a daily basis anymore, don't think about looking at his facebook page anymore. Most importantly the feeling has faded. He made it go away.
Maybe it had something to do with stuff that happened last week. Being sick and kind of down, I felt even more low when my family kind of ditched me. Everyone had plans of their own, and they never considered to ask me to join in. Well actually I was busy with work so I wouldn't have gone with them anyway, but at least they could have asked. I had many meals last week on my own which kind of sucks.
Also I feel distant with my uni mates. We talk in class but I don't hang out with them. I just don't click with them beyond the classroom. They are nice people individually, but the gangs that they have formed... I just don't see myself fitting into any one, especially when they are already so close, I would feel like an outsider when hanging with them. I don't like to conform or change myself just to fit in. And you already know I'm weird and not exactly talkative :p
All the buddies that I can connect with are high school mates. But it's natural that we get more and more separated over time. We still have gatherings occasionally, and we are always happy to see each other and have loads of fun, but it just doesn't feel the same anymore.
So the summary for this post: I'm a lonely loner that isn't enjoying the loneliness alone.
You know I actually hate the word 'lone'. I prefer 'solo'. Sounds less desperate. But maybe that's what I am now.......
well, dont just so fast thinking its aledi difficult to blend in. never try never know. do give it a chance, if ud like. try getting off ur comfort zone. if u dont like it, u can always opt out. if u like it, no harm making more frens. :P
ReplyDeleteyou might be lonely, but you're never alone =D there's others out there who's dying to make new friends... give it a try...
ReplyDeletealternatively, if you decided to go solo, then learn to enjoy the solo-ness =)
cheers ^^
im also a loner.. :) cheers!! solo boy!!!
ReplyDeleteDon't force yourself to conform to the group if you find them unfit; nothing wrong to be alone or solo...so long we know what we do, we appreciate what we appreciate...Cheers up solo-boy!
ReplyDeleteUr life really like mine years ago but i searched for friends and found one...that is my bestie and other friends that both of us treasure each other dearly..u can do what i do if u x want to be a loner...but we do need solitude some time
ReplyDeletei am also feeling daze and alone now..feel like giving up.. =( i dont know how to get myself together. *i lost me*.
ReplyDelete@Koala: the thing is i actually don't feel the need to do it. I don't actually want to socialize with them.. i'm terrible hahaha!
ReplyDelete@Jason: true.. loneliness and alone are 2 different things. i'm still surrounded by ppl no matter how lonely i feel.. interesting thought
@tuls and skyhawk: haha new nick name for me.. J-Solo Boy.. or just 'J-So' like J-Lo LOL!
@ash: agree.. i need a bestie, someone who's like me and gets me.
@Corazon: awww *hugs* don't give up no matter what! when i feel down i just hang in there until things make a turn for the better :)
I understand that loneliness. My first 2 years of uni life is almost exactly like urs... When I get sick that stupid feeling of solo-ness is so much greater...
ReplyDelete