Confessions of a Broken Heart

Guys, something traumatic happened last night and my heart is still aching now. The best way for me to recover is to talk about it with you guys. I hope you will spare me some wise words as your opinions collectively matter to me. I need a support system now.

Here's what happened...

You know that I have been seeing this new guy right. Well I have never encountered such a situation before, he's Bi. Or I think he's gay now but wants to be straight eventually.

I should have known this would happen right from the beginning and not allow myself to fall for him. The thing is, we have made a real connection this week and he has fallen for me as well. I somehow opened myself completely to him in such a short time because he just made me feel so comfortable and genuinely happy from the inside.

Truthfully he is the first guy that I like who has liked me back. It's a warm, fuzzy feeling. He's amazing, probably the most caring person I have met in a very long time. After Eric, I lost faith in love. I never thought that I would be loved by another person in this life time, I thought no one would accept me but then I met him. How rare is that.

Last night we were talking, and it ended up with me asking him what his long term life plan was. He was honest to say that he planned to get married and have kids. Apparently his philosophy is to be with a guy now, hopefully have some good memories of this phase in his life before he moves on, and he expects that guy to be happy for him.

When I heard this, I just froze. To be recognized as only a 'phase' in his life. Stunned. My body was trembling beyond control and it felt hard to breathe. My heart was hurting, literally. The chest pain was awful. Eventually I did cry.

So where does that leave us? We are both hurting now. He lives a complicated and conflicted life, coming from a religious background apparently of pastors. But he likes guys. He likes me. But he has no choice. We both want to be together now, but I know the longer we stay together, the more I will get hurt later. I can't make him choose me over his family and beliefs. But again the feelings we have are still so strong.

My logic is telling me that the decision is simple. I should just end things now. It will hurt a lot but it's the right thing to do.
My heart is telling me that as long as we both feel for each other, then we should just stay together for as long as that feeling lasts. After all, it's so hard to find love now.

Right now, I'm putting this aside first as it hurts too much. One of my best attributes is, despite the fact that I'm emotionally fragile, I was trained to be mentally tough under stress and pressure situations. Yeah I had some activities in the past which made it compulsory to be like that. So now, as long as I isolate my emotions, I can still function and perform daily activities using solely my mental strength.

But a conclusion needs to be reached eventually.

So guys, I'm asking you all to give me some constructive advice. What would you do if you were in my shoes? Honestly.