Pulling Out

It's usually not a good sign when I'm updating frequently. It either means I'm crazy or about to go crazy. Bro you were right. I was getting way ahead of myself. Now I feel like crap.

I made yet another discovery today. Not an obvious sign, but one particular dated entry in his blog gave the slightest hint that New Guy is straight. Comments about girls at his college prom looking better than usual, followed by a heart shaped emoticon. And that's enough for me to know that I should stop thinking about him, because a dead end is inevitable if I continue down this road.

Sometimes I wonder which is worst....

Falling for a straight guy
OR
Falling for a gay guy that doesn't feel the same way about you.

Either way there is NO happy ending. But it seems like these 2 options are all I ever get. So it doesn't really matter if New Guy is plu or not, because chances are he sees me as nothing more than his junior.

I think it's the loneliness that made me fall for guys so easily in a subconscious manner.
Despite all the harsh lessons in the past, and my constant reminders to stay away from developing any romantic feelings for guys, I just keep steering my ship back into that place.

The place where I get all hopeful and picturing myself living happily ever after with 'The One'. That feeling when you see a guy and can instantly imagine how it would be like spending the rest of your life with him, and all the positive qualities about him that you're just so irresistibly drawn to.

But not long after, the 'Happily ever after' bubble bursts, and reality gives you a huge slap in the face. And you cannot say you were surprised because deep down a part of you knew it's just too good to be true.

Yeah. This vicious cycle of building myself up and then falling apart just keeps repeating itself.
Story of my life.

Agent J-Boy, the Spy.

Haha I apologize in advance for the lame @$$ title.

Today I did some Internet spying on new guy. I decided to stop calling him Candy, coz it's like objectifying him rite?
Spying has become what I'm known for. But you guys do it too right, checking out a guy's online profiles and all to see what's his deal.

Last time I told you guys his Facebook profile was restricted. Well I kind of found a loophole to it. We have a mutual friend, H who was my high school mate. Turns out the both of them are in the same club in Uni. A DANCE club. So there were quite a number of pics in H's profile that had New Guy in it. There were pics from this Latin dance competition, with him wearing the tight black shirt with the bare chest, it was like I hit the jackpot!!!
But obviously his dance partner was a girl. Does that mean he's straight? Or do gay guys partner girls as well? I thought being a Latin dancer is kind of gay. OK I know I shouldn't stereotype.

I also Googled his name and went through several pages of results. It is insane, but I did managed to find his BLOG! Hell yeah, I learned so much from there. But it's not a Plu blog, more like a journal. At least there were some nice pics to see. He's into photography too. And animals. Lots of dogs and cats as pets in his hometown.

See isn't the Internet amazing!! But kind of scary at the same time since anyone can access the information that you put up. Now I feel like a creep for looking him up. Therefore I will try to divert your attention to the following video:



Rebecca Black is the most recent Internet sensation. This video has gone viral on YouTube. Mostly negative feedback from viewers, coz of the annoying way she sings, but mostly the ridiculous lyrics. The song is like a joke at first, but now I can't stop humming and listening to it!
Seriously WTF moment....

Candy-licious

Today was awesome.
New guy a.k.a. the Candy I was talking about previously, made small talk with me today!! He was so cute. And the way he talks when he is kind of nervous is so adorable. A little bit of stuttering but sort of smiling like a silly boy when he's talking. Made me smile :)

But the thing is he's nice and friendly to everyone. So I'm still not sure if he's flirting with me or just being himself. But this guy is definitely nicer to me than Eric ever was. Eric never really talked to me unless he had to. Seriously I think it's time someone invented a device that can tell if someone is interested in you or not.. maybe like a pocket size magic pointer that will blink and beep if the target you point it at has feelings for you haha. That way all the people in the world can stop guessing!! :P

I really suck at the game of love. There's a big chance that ALL of this is just in my head. AGAIN.

Don't worry right now I'm not gaga about him yet. It's just nice to feel like someone is approaching you and kind of being flirty. It makes me feel better about myself, kind of sexy actually! :)

But I get these feelings on and off anyway, whether there's a man in my mind or not. I like to flirt and say naughty teasing things... Someone once said I'm good at dirty talk LOL.
And role playing. Not physically in bed, but through chatting haha. My favourite role? Being the patient or nurse getting an inspection from the doctor with his special 'thermometer'! ;)

Feeling sexy and bitchy now, think I'm gonna turn up the music and move my body ;)

New Candy

Finally some excitement this year.

Met a new hottie in Uni. Don't really know how to describe him. He's a senior, not the good looking or hunky type, but still somewhat charming in the way he talks and smiles. Actually quite cute hehehe. I wouldn't say he's my type, but definitely growing on me. He's endearing, like a teddy bear that is nice to hug, and you cherish it more and more over time.

My radar has a horrendous track record, but based on the mannerism and the way he looks at me, I'm getting a strong vibe. Remember Eric, the guy that I was EXTREMELY crazy about half a year ago? Well my radar was right then, so maybe this time it's on to something again :P

You know that feeling, where you think that a guy is interested in you, and he flirts and gives all those little signals to you, but later you discover it's actually all just in your head because you want it so much, and that person really has zero interest in you?

Hope I'm not heading down that road again.

I think he's interested, but heck I'm not gonna make myself look like a fool again after that painful experience with Eric. No crazy emails or messages this time. However I did stalk his facebook page. Nothing much since the profile is restricted. And he has a sunflower as his profile pic. No chance to ogle :(

Gotta slow down and not jump to conclusions. And this time I promise I won't fall for someone I barely know. NOPE. Self control mode ON. Lust mode OFF.

Will let you guys know if there's any progress hehehe...

home videos *ahem*

I spent the weekend doing something kinky. This time on my own, no 'threes' involved hehehe. What happens when you feel bored and naughty, and equipped with a video camera on a lazy evening?

Well before I go on, I just want to clear some stuff up, regarding the issue of negative influences of some plu blogs that was raised recently. Yes, I write about sex and related behaviour, but never have I thought of it as being encouraging of others to behave promiscuously. I believe that the readers are empowered to make decisions based on their own clarity and judgment. I'm not Mother Teresa, everyone knows I ain't a saint, so I don't feel obligated to blog for educational purposes. However I certainly DO NOT promote any sort of negative or dangerous activity and behaviour.

You know I used to be really innocent and naive before I started this blog. But now if you think I'm a slut and/or a bitch, I kind of agree with you. Over the last couple of years I have really been understanding and accepting my sexuality, while getting these hot and sexy (sometimes desperate) feelings, and I believe I still have a long way to go in terms of learning and understanding myself.
My point is, reading all the other plu blogs didn't make me follow their actions blindly, as I always had a sense of what was acceptable and what wasn't. I feel exploring and trying things is just a part of growing up, and sometimes we make some bad choices, but that's all part of life right! (Just don't make stupid choices like having unprotected sex)

The 'J Junction' is a blog that covers mostly love, relationships and sex. Just because that's all I write about it doesn't mean that's ALL I'm about. The reason I don't write about other stuff such as my studies, hobbies, music, sports and daily stuff is because I wanted to protect my identity in a way and not get too personal. That was the reason at first, but these days I tend to be more open in the way I write, so I won't be surprised if some of you already know who I am.

Alright, back to today's topic!! ;)
SO what did I do?

*drum roll*


Strip tease videos!! It may sound silly, but don't worry I'm NOT gonna show it to anyone, except maybe my future bf when we are apart, just to tease him and make him miss me more! :P

I made it for myself. There's no better way to get in touch with your body and sexuality then filming yourself in action and then watching it. You learn a lot. Doing a strip tease also provides a good workout! My thigh muscles are sore from all the repetitive half squats I was doing. Other kinky things include lots of slow undressing, swaying and grinding to Britney's 'I'm A Slave For You', and also spanking!! I feel kind of embarrassed talking about it now. XD

After 7 takes, I think I finally got it right! After studying each take like I was doing it for an important assignment, I corrected the angles and moves to give the best possible show hehehe ;)
And I know this sounds vain, but boy do I have lovely legs!! Everything looks longer on film hahaha :P

So are you guys gonna practice it too? Be sure to lock the room door!! :)

Single, Alone, Just Me

I don't think I can be anymore single than I am now. Not exactly a good day. Don't even feel like I have friends that I can really talk to. Hate that I'm a loner that doesn't want to be lonely, if you can make any sense into that. I'm twisted and complex... my character is of a loner's, such as avoiding social activities... But then it's like I don't want to be alone yet my mind tends to push everyone away or I just don't want to make an effort.
Story of my life. You've probably heard me say this before in previous posts. Now I'm just writing random thoughts. You know why? Because I feel alone. Pathetic.

You know that feeling where you get all self conscious when you're sitting in a room full of people but no one is talking to you, so you try to distract your own disturbing and worrying thoughts by pretending to play around with your phone, but really you're wondering if someone is staring at you because you're a loner? YEAH that happened today.

And on another random note, I really love Kurt and Blaine's relationship on Glee. Haha Darren Criss (who plays Blaine) is just insanely hot. Love those eyes...... It's fucked up that he's actually straight in real life...
Anyway I feel really happy for Kurt even though it's all fictional. But it does give some hope to us singles. Then again it's like false hope because Blaine is like the 'perfect' guy that every gay guy wants to marry (OK some of you may beg to differ, namely bro). In reality I don't think there's such an awesome person. Geeezzzz now because of Glee, my expectations have somewhat been raised, which only means that the probability that I'm gonna die alone just increased ten fold. DAMN.

Now it feels like I'm yapping like a parrot that won't stop yapping but I will still go on... There's a really hot topic brewing at Tuls' blog, a post originally about a guy who had sex with another guy who was HIV+, but now the comments are just building up and the topic has kind of drifted a little. It may be inappropriate for me to say this, but heck I love it when there's a fierce debate going on about a hot issue, of course it's a friendly debate that doesn't involve ga-chang and violence. I think it's fair for everyone to voice their opinions and to stand by what they believe in. The whole point of having a debate is not to determine a victor, but it's just an opportunity for every voice to be heard, and for all people present to consider some things that they may have not previously thought of.

Wow I haven't typed such a long and draggy blog post... like ever! The sentences are long and probably don't make much sense because I'm literally just typing out what comes into my head without too much filtering. Another sign of a lonely guy that's just slowly but surely going bananas.

Back to the whole being alone shit. You know, it's not that I'm really desperate to get into a relationship, because I know how hard it is to maintain it and make it work. I'd probably be a horrible bf anyway. But you know, nobody wants to be lonely even though they don't feel the need to be in a relationship. I just want someone... that can be there when I need him to be there. And I can be there for him when he needs me.

OK I will stop typing.
Goodbye and goodnight...........

Indulgence

Had a new experience yesterday. Let me make a Britney reference... '3'.

I will not elaborate in greater detail at risk of sounding like a horrible slut. It was just a spur of the moment thing, an opportunity to explore my errr.... sexuality?
It was exciting alright, creativity was definitely required but it didn't feel quite right. Let's just say three can be a crowd, it ruins the dynamic somehow. Guess I'm more conventional than I thought. At times it was awkward.

This post was meant to be a documentation of my thoughts of that experience, as I like to write and share, and was never meant as a sleazy detailing of my sexual behaviour nor am I boasting or promoting my services.

Did I feel it was wrong to do it? Well NO, coz it was between 3 consenting unattached, single adults. Plus safety measures were of top priority.
Heck I'm 20 and single, at times I do things without really knowing why I did it. But I can tell you I won't be engaging in this sort of action again any time soon.

I'm still trying to meet someone and date after all. This was just a side experiment :P