I made yet another discovery today. Not an obvious sign, but one particular dated entry in his blog gave the slightest hint that New Guy is straight. Comments about girls at his college prom looking better than usual, followed by a heart shaped emoticon. And that's enough for me to know that I should stop thinking about him, because a dead end is inevitable if I continue down this road.
Sometimes I wonder which is worst....
Falling for a straight guy
OR
Falling for a gay guy that doesn't feel the same way about you.
OR
Falling for a gay guy that doesn't feel the same way about you.
Either way there is NO happy ending. But it seems like these 2 options are all I ever get. So it doesn't really matter if New Guy is plu or not, because chances are he sees me as nothing more than his junior.
I think it's the loneliness that made me fall for guys so easily in a subconscious manner.
Despite all the harsh lessons in the past, and my constant reminders to stay away from developing any romantic feelings for guys, I just keep steering my ship back into that place.
The place where I get all hopeful and picturing myself living happily ever after with 'The One'. That feeling when you see a guy and can instantly imagine how it would be like spending the rest of your life with him, and all the positive qualities about him that you're just so irresistibly drawn to.
But not long after, the 'Happily ever after' bubble bursts, and reality gives you a huge slap in the face. And you cannot say you were surprised because deep down a part of you knew it's just too good to be true.
Yeah. This vicious cycle of building myself up and then falling apart just keeps repeating itself.
Story of my life.
Get over it and move on bro!
ReplyDeleteTo avoid that kinda cycle, you should not fall for a guy that easily...loneliness can be the main cause but you gotto love yourself too...move on and good luck.
ReplyDeleteaw man. i can totally understand how painful this is going to be. cry it out if necessary, talk to someone you can trust and hold on, be strong. =) this is definitely not easy
ReplyDeletestay strong. =)
It feels like this. For me anyway. Feels like the depravity will drive you off the edge one day.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNmLDubIFYU
J-boy, I can relate myself to the 5th paragraph. That's so so me as well.
ReplyDeleteI guess we are the people who never learn from our mistakes. Over and over again, repeating the same kind of pain.
Lol, guess that's how we feel our loneliness.
Anyway, take it as challenge. Bend that straight senior. Nah, kidding.
There are plenty more good single gay guys out there. Don't worry !
:)
@bro: i know i know.. just so sick of how my mind keeps doing this to me.
ReplyDelete@Sky: it's not something that i have conscious control over.. it just happens, and by the time i realized what's going on, it's already too late.
And yea, i will love myself.
@ryan: I guess many plus our age can relate to this situation.. Normally i cry easily, but nah not on this. Definitely sad, but no tears..
@deicidal: thanks for visiting and commenting on my blog!! Somehow i always find a way in time from falling off the edge.. And interesting song! :)
@CX: haha why do we do this to ourselves? But isn't it the only way to find the elusive One? If we stop, all hope will be lost..
And where are the plenty of single gay guys?? :P
We wouldn't be single now if there really were so many fish in the sea coz we're just so fab haha :P
*hope no one punches me LOL*
No no, we are indeed fab. That's to the maximum some more.
ReplyDeletePerhaps by going through all this "pain" we will reap the truthful love in the end ?
Again, you are not alone. So don't worry so much. As much as feel like giving up, just stay strong and it will be better. One day...