Single, Alone, Just Me

I don't think I can be anymore single than I am now. Not exactly a good day. Don't even feel like I have friends that I can really talk to. Hate that I'm a loner that doesn't want to be lonely, if you can make any sense into that. I'm twisted and complex... my character is of a loner's, such as avoiding social activities... But then it's like I don't want to be alone yet my mind tends to push everyone away or I just don't want to make an effort.
Story of my life. You've probably heard me say this before in previous posts. Now I'm just writing random thoughts. You know why? Because I feel alone. Pathetic.

You know that feeling where you get all self conscious when you're sitting in a room full of people but no one is talking to you, so you try to distract your own disturbing and worrying thoughts by pretending to play around with your phone, but really you're wondering if someone is staring at you because you're a loner? YEAH that happened today.

And on another random note, I really love Kurt and Blaine's relationship on Glee. Haha Darren Criss (who plays Blaine) is just insanely hot. Love those eyes...... It's fucked up that he's actually straight in real life...
Anyway I feel really happy for Kurt even though it's all fictional. But it does give some hope to us singles. Then again it's like false hope because Blaine is like the 'perfect' guy that every gay guy wants to marry (OK some of you may beg to differ, namely bro). In reality I don't think there's such an awesome person. Geeezzzz now because of Glee, my expectations have somewhat been raised, which only means that the probability that I'm gonna die alone just increased ten fold. DAMN.

Now it feels like I'm yapping like a parrot that won't stop yapping but I will still go on... There's a really hot topic brewing at Tuls' blog, a post originally about a guy who had sex with another guy who was HIV+, but now the comments are just building up and the topic has kind of drifted a little. It may be inappropriate for me to say this, but heck I love it when there's a fierce debate going on about a hot issue, of course it's a friendly debate that doesn't involve ga-chang and violence. I think it's fair for everyone to voice their opinions and to stand by what they believe in. The whole point of having a debate is not to determine a victor, but it's just an opportunity for every voice to be heard, and for all people present to consider some things that they may have not previously thought of.

Wow I haven't typed such a long and draggy blog post... like ever! The sentences are long and probably don't make much sense because I'm literally just typing out what comes into my head without too much filtering. Another sign of a lonely guy that's just slowly but surely going bananas.

Back to the whole being alone shit. You know, it's not that I'm really desperate to get into a relationship, because I know how hard it is to maintain it and make it work. I'd probably be a horrible bf anyway. But you know, nobody wants to be lonely even though they don't feel the need to be in a relationship. I just want someone... that can be there when I need him to be there. And I can be there for him when he needs me.

OK I will stop typing.
Goodbye and goodnight...........