Getting Ready

Sorry for not updating or responding to comments sooner. Lately I feel sick of myself, I didn't think it was possible, but I just don't want to talk about me anymore. Perhaps it's a part of the avoidance from existing issues I talked about in the previous post. Ughh. Let's talk about other things for now.

Counting down the days to the Singapore trip, quite hard to believe I get to see Kylie Minogue in concert so very soon. It will be a night to remember, as Barney from How I Met Your Mother would say, it's going to be Legend... wait for it... dary!!!! I think I need to pinch / bitch slap myself to realize that this isn't a dream.

Will probably take a break from blogging indefinitely, but I will still hop around and leave comments on your fabulous blogs. :)

Lotsa Luve,
J-boy

Guilt Takes Over Me

So drama. LOL.

The thing is... I have been avoiding this guy for some time now. A guy that I liked (past tense), but don't feel anything for him anymore. He still likes me, so I don't know how to tell him. We communicate through MSN, some time ago his home internet connection was down so we didn't talk for a few days, and I used that opportunity to avoid him.

Since then, I have been appearing offline to him. He left me a message right after his connection was restored, explaining why he was missing and said that he missed me. I was hoping that he would get the message if I just 'disappeared' from his life. It's brutal of me, I know.

I was never good at delivering bad news.
Just don't have the heart for it when things get personal.
It seems easier to lay low and avoid the confrontation.
Everybody wants to be the good guy. I don't want to be a mean bitch by saying I don't like him anymore for no valid reason.

The problem here is time. If I faced it earlier and confronted him about it sooner, things wouldn't get so draggy. But now because the period has extended, I feel like the moment has passed and there isn't a right time to talk to him anymore. And the longer this situation goes on, the weight just seems to get heavier. Hence the guilt.

And it's not just him. I appear offline to a number of people I met online whom I find annoying. Some of them just keep pestering me with the same questions or suggestions to meet up or hook up, or sometimes I just feel lazy to make small talk. Over time I would rather not talk to them at all.

Does this make me a bad person? :(

Just Like Holly Holiday

Sorry for not updating regularly, it's because nothing blog worthy has happened.

There's no man in my life now... I seem to be pushing anyone that comes near me away, so yeah... I'm like the opposite of a magnet, I'm an anti-man magnet.

I'm like Holly Holiday (Gwyneth Paltrow rocks!), with the fear of commitment. The minute things start to get serious with someone, I pull out. I'm a substitute. Permanent ain't my cup of tea. Guess I don't want a relationship after all. It's over rated anyway. It gets a little lonely at times, but overall I'm happy with the perks of being single :)
OK maybe dying alone is depressing, but I'll only think about that in a few decades.

Getting really excited about my Singapore trip now as the date draws closer and closer!! :)
It's nice to have something to look forward to when life is so monotonous and stale at the moment. Ready to shake my ass and put my hands up for Ms.Kylie!! whoop whoop

Something random I wanted to say... I noticed there are more and more plu bloggers joining the community, and most of them are still so young!! It's a good thing, I wished I had access to all the information and exposure at an earlier age, then maybe I wouldn't have wasted so many years.

Blogging is a place to confide, to share things that you otherwise wouldn't be able to talk about to anyone else. So keep up the good work comrades, I really do enjoy reading your entries! ;)

Thank The Lucky Stars

I feel blessed. Suddenly thinking of Honey Stars, so long never had them already.....

Oops, getting distracted haha!

After much searching and contacting through various means, I have found another person to go to the concert in Singapore with me!!! I was already losing hope, but yet I still urged myself to ask just about everyone I knew, even the acquaintances I made online. That sounds so miserably desperate right! It was depressing at times, because it made me feel so alone. Unwanted. :(

But that doesn't matter now, because my efforts were not in vain. Turns out a friend I made online from one of those sites recently, is equally enthusiastic about Kylie as I am, and doesn't mind the expenses of traveling down to Singapore, and he happens to be on holiday during that time. Easy going and keen about the trip too!! :)

I'm so glad things worked out. Now I can go on and make arrangements for transport and accommodation. Seriously, thank the lucky stars, I should be so lucky, lucky, lucky!!!

And I should go eat some Honey Stars hahahaha :)
Thanks for all the support guys <3

Calling, Calling!!

Haha hi everyone,

I guess some of you still remember my post 'Seeking Concert Buddy' earlier this month right?

Well I was really lucky because I was soon approached by a fellow blogger who was interested and agreed to go to SG with me :)
But as circumstances have it, something came up this week and he realized that he can't make it on 29th June... so that leaves me back to where I started from :(

But I am generally a positive person and I believe that things will work out one way or the other, coz everything happens for a reason right?

So I'm begging hoping that perhaps anyone of you might still be interested in the offer? Or if you know someone who knows someone who is a Kylie fan, can you please help me out? :)
I honestly don't mind going to SG alone for holiday and all, but the thing is I already have 2 tickets to the show. And I really don't want it to go to waste. Besides, it will be nice to share the Kylie experience with someone else.

It's better for me to go with someone who is Plu due to the nature of the show. It wouldn't be as fun if I went with say a class mate or even worse, with my mum. Then I won't be able to jump and scream like a girl hyped up boy hahahaha. It's easier to be yourself when you're with someone from the same boat :)

Please don't hesitate to contact me ok (jboy@live.com.my). I promise I don't bite, unless you want me to hahaha ;)

Second Thoughts

I'm back to old habits again. I thought I was ready for it but an internal mechanism just keeps pushing guys away whenever someone starts showing affection towards me.

I don't think it's guilt about being gay, because I am contented with who I am. Maybe it's my reluctance or fear to connect with people on a deeper, emotional level.

The initial phase is always fun. You like what you see, the flirting goes on, a little bit of dirty talk. Then both parties realize there's some sort of spark, and things get a little more serious when you really put in the effort to get to know each other. Lots of questions asked and answered.

Still fine.

Then it reaches a phase where I start to get a little clingy, usually more so than the guy in question. I would think about him, log in to msn just to chat with him. This is probably where my feelings for him peak.

After that, when he finally shows a similar kind of attraction and affection, all of a sudden I lose interest. I start seeing the flaws in his character, how incompatible the both of us really are, and to some extent, he won't look as attractive as when we first met.

This is where I feel like pulling away. But the problem is, he still very much has feelings for me. And that makes me feel like a horrible person.

It's always like that. Whenever I'm close to being in a relationship, I become all solitary and feel like I don't need a man after all. But the problem is, after some time, I will get lonely and want to feel love again. Then this whole cycle repeats itself. Yes, my life is all about vicious cycles.

They say the grass is always greener on the other side. Maybe that's why I'm never satisfied, with or without a man in my life.

Do any of you have this type of cold feet behaviour? :(

Interracial Dating

Hope my singing didn't scare any of you away :P

Today I want to talk about interracial dating. Yes, INTERRACIAL DATING.
U know why?

Haha it's because I'm sort of seeing someone.... and he's Malay.
Don't freak out yet, it's not official, still very much considered early days.

It kind of perplexes me at times, because I can't quite explain the attraction. If someone told me half a year ago, that I will be dating a non-Chinese now I probably won't believe it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not racist... but I have always felt that it's better to date someone of the same race because it's easier to relate and connect with that person.

But I'm not your conventional Chinese anyway. English is my first language. So chatting with Chinese guys to me is almost the same as any other race. Sometimes, Chinese guys who write in broken English really turns me off. At least this guy has decent English. He mixes a little Malay into the conversation but I have no problems understanding what he's trying to convey. OK maybe just a little. And I have to refrain from using Cantonese words during MSN.

Hahaha all I can say is that it's fresh and interesting.

OHH wanted to add 1 more thing (2 words):
MARION CAUNTER.
If you are Malaysian and don't know who she is, shame on you.
I bring her up because she married a Malay guy, and they make such a sweet couple! LOL

Do you guys think there's any future with an interracial plu relationship?
Would you date someone of a different race, honestly?

Please share!! :)