I mean a quick update, that is... hahaha. Not what you think!
CNY doesn't really feel like CNY this year. Not sure if it's the lack of atmosphere in general, or because I started working, so the build up to CNY was virtually non-existent in my mind. It just hit me in the face. LOL. I was just coasting along with everyone.
Even though I had 1 week off, it didn't seem enough to accomplish all the things I wanted to do.
I guess the best part was being able to sleep longer each day. But still I felt tired, and still am now.
Didn't do that much running around either. Didn't see that many relatives this year. Happy that I did spent some time with friends and siblings. Thank goodness the ang paus still came haha even though I wasn't there to receive some of it personally :P
Valentine's was pretty shitty. Actually I mean it was a normal day. But as I blogged about recently I'm in the mood for love lately, so yeah....... felt kind of miserable even though there was no real need to. And then there was that thing where I dragged myself to the sauna for some long deprived physical contact *cough cough* But I will not go on about that, except that it was good and it's over. So I'm still on the search for that someone, just needed a bit of release on a lonely day.
After Valentine's I started getting more messages on Jack'd haha. There was this 1 guy that was kind of cute and sexy, and we hit it off more than the usual chats I have on there. So we chatted and almost met up for drinks that night, but in the end it didn't happen because I was just feeling too tired and lazy to go out. Plus I suck at socializing and talking to strangers. Like I can be pretty boring at times, and may run out of things to say so.......... He said we could always hang out some other day, but then now I have started working again and won't have much time, and he's working too and stays quite far away from me......... So I don't see much progress there LOL.
So that was my CNY.
LOLLLLL
Need to sleep now :'( Work life sucks...
XOXO
J-boy
Monday, February 18, 2013
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Looking At Me
Lately I noticed some people have been eying me, like not just guys, but also women and some random people on the street. Which makes me wonder what they are looking at...
It could be the 'Oh that guy is hot/cute/handsome' kind of stare, or the 'Ughh that guy is hideous/weird/gay' kind of stare. Honestly I can't be sure which it is LOL. I don't see looks of disgust on people's faces, but also no obvious smiles or nods of approval hahaha. Just stares.
Ever since I got a haircut for CNY which involved shaving both sides of the head, leaving spiky hair only at the top, I think that has given me a cooler, edgier look haha... like I've never had my hair that short on the sides before. And I'm also starting to come into my own in terms of personal style. My sisters have been impressed with my choices lately, and I rarely get fashion misses now :P
I no longer look shabby compared to when I was still in college wearing baggy T-shirts and didn't care that much about fashion. My dress sense is more polished these days, but also much more GAY haha. I think it has become more obvious, but I don't really care.
My body is also in better shape I guess, I'm not as skinny as I used to be. I feel healthier. After gymming for more than a year, I can definitely see some differences in the mirror. So overall the confidence is higher. And when you're comfortable in your own skin, I think other people start to notice and appreciate it as well.
But then again, that could all be in my head.
But I can say from observation, since I got the hair cut, more guys stare at me when I'm at the gym haha :P I also noticed I only get attention when I'm wearing contact lenses. Some days when I feel tired/lazy after work, and just show up at the gym with glasses and messy hair, almost NO guys check me out LOL!! That shows the importance of personal grooming, and NOT wearing spectacles haha!
I'm still feeling the same way about relationships as my previous post, so I'm feeling much more..... (what's the word) like I don't know how to describe it, just feeling unrealistically hopeful and every time I see a guy that is kind of my type or is just generally hot, I will feel flirty and wonder if he's into me or not, and I fee like I just want to jump into the dating train right away (or jump into his arms hahaha), and perhaps I wish for things to happen way too quickly than it should ideally, because I know from past experience that I fall too easily, and usually for all the wrong people and wrong reasons, but my heart right now just craves for male attention, and the heart's irrationality has somehow suppressed my mind's rationality and logic (it's like my normally strong willed mind is now weirdly submissive after being drugged by hippies and lets my crazy heart take over), so I seem to be very easily attracted to like just any guy that is relatively hot or fits certain criteria, or sometimes when a stranger just happens to make eye contact with me or stands next to me, then I start fantasizing about him, and I know that's highly childish and stupid on so many levels, I mean it's like been there, done that kind of shit, but I can't help feeling that way lately, since 2013 I've been like a hopeless romantic maniac, I haven't even had sex with strangers anymore because I want to make that change, and so I feel like I need a date right now, and oh my god the thought that I'm going to spend Valentine's alone this year just upsets me, even though I've done that for so many years, but this year feels different, I feel different, but things might not happen that quickly, and for something to really work out, it shouldn't happen that quickly, but my heart says fuck it, I want something to happen now.
OK shit, I salute you if you read this entire paragraph, and yes I deliberately wrote it in one mega sentence, to really express how despo I'm feeling hahahaha....
So I guess it's a good thing that people are noticing me, whether it's for good or bad reasons LOL.
XOXO
It could be the 'Oh that guy is hot/cute/handsome' kind of stare, or the 'Ughh that guy is hideous/weird/gay' kind of stare. Honestly I can't be sure which it is LOL. I don't see looks of disgust on people's faces, but also no obvious smiles or nods of approval hahaha. Just stares.
Ever since I got a haircut for CNY which involved shaving both sides of the head, leaving spiky hair only at the top, I think that has given me a cooler, edgier look haha... like I've never had my hair that short on the sides before. And I'm also starting to come into my own in terms of personal style. My sisters have been impressed with my choices lately, and I rarely get fashion misses now :P
I no longer look shabby compared to when I was still in college wearing baggy T-shirts and didn't care that much about fashion. My dress sense is more polished these days, but also much more GAY haha. I think it has become more obvious, but I don't really care.
My body is also in better shape I guess, I'm not as skinny as I used to be. I feel healthier. After gymming for more than a year, I can definitely see some differences in the mirror. So overall the confidence is higher. And when you're comfortable in your own skin, I think other people start to notice and appreciate it as well.
But then again, that could all be in my head.
But I can say from observation, since I got the hair cut, more guys stare at me when I'm at the gym haha :P I also noticed I only get attention when I'm wearing contact lenses. Some days when I feel tired/lazy after work, and just show up at the gym with glasses and messy hair, almost NO guys check me out LOL!! That shows the importance of personal grooming, and NOT wearing spectacles haha!
I'm still feeling the same way about relationships as my previous post, so I'm feeling much more..... (what's the word) like I don't know how to describe it, just feeling unrealistically hopeful and every time I see a guy that is kind of my type or is just generally hot, I will feel flirty and wonder if he's into me or not, and I fee like I just want to jump into the dating train right away (or jump into his arms hahaha), and perhaps I wish for things to happen way too quickly than it should ideally, because I know from past experience that I fall too easily, and usually for all the wrong people and wrong reasons, but my heart right now just craves for male attention, and the heart's irrationality has somehow suppressed my mind's rationality and logic (it's like my normally strong willed mind is now weirdly submissive after being drugged by hippies and lets my crazy heart take over), so I seem to be very easily attracted to like just any guy that is relatively hot or fits certain criteria, or sometimes when a stranger just happens to make eye contact with me or stands next to me, then I start fantasizing about him, and I know that's highly childish and stupid on so many levels, I mean it's like been there, done that kind of shit, but I can't help feeling that way lately, since 2013 I've been like a hopeless romantic maniac, I haven't even had sex with strangers anymore because I want to make that change, and so I feel like I need a date right now, and oh my god the thought that I'm going to spend Valentine's alone this year just upsets me, even though I've done that for so many years, but this year feels different, I feel different, but things might not happen that quickly, and for something to really work out, it shouldn't happen that quickly, but my heart says fuck it, I want something to happen now.
OK shit, I salute you if you read this entire paragraph, and yes I deliberately wrote it in one mega sentence, to really express how despo I'm feeling hahahaha....
So I guess it's a good thing that people are noticing me, whether it's for good or bad reasons LOL.
XOXO
Monday, January 21, 2013
Ready for Love?
Recently there's been a change in me.
All the boyfriend dreams (yeah, I had another one, which featured kissing on a rooftop while some people were committing suicide by jumping off the edge, it's so Lana Del Rey haha) could be an indicator that I crave for something more.
I know it's hard to believe I can change so suddenly, even I do not quite believe it completely, nor do I know how to explain it. It's just how the heart feels. It's the emotions, the giddiness of wanting to be with someone again.. I think the word is 'hopeful again'. I used to feel like that a long time ago, but suppressed those feelings after constantly walking into dead ends and un-reciprocated feelings.
For a long time I taught myself how to be fine on my own, in fact I still feel fine about it now. But it's a realization that I don't have to be so alone. To not be so afraid of opening up and being vulnerable, I always say I used to be such an emotional wreck and naive when I was in love, and hopelessly delusional and scarring my mind. I fear going back there. But now my maturity has widened.
Maybe it's the change of year, the slipping away of time that made me realize I need something more than just sex. Also probably the questioning of my old lifestyle, and how it may affect my health and well being.
Can't say how I will feel about this next month, let alone next week.... but right now I'm quite certain.
Easier said than done though, now that I know I want to date, doesn't mean I will be able to find someone hahaha..... I might have entered the market a little too late LOL, or have NO market value in the dating realm as compared to the sex realm :(
Regardless, at least I'm taking a step in that direction!!
Wish me luck haha, I need it :P
XOXO
All the boyfriend dreams (yeah, I had another one, which featured kissing on a rooftop while some people were committing suicide by jumping off the edge, it's so Lana Del Rey haha) could be an indicator that I crave for something more.
I know it's hard to believe I can change so suddenly, even I do not quite believe it completely, nor do I know how to explain it. It's just how the heart feels. It's the emotions, the giddiness of wanting to be with someone again.. I think the word is 'hopeful again'. I used to feel like that a long time ago, but suppressed those feelings after constantly walking into dead ends and un-reciprocated feelings.
For a long time I taught myself how to be fine on my own, in fact I still feel fine about it now. But it's a realization that I don't have to be so alone. To not be so afraid of opening up and being vulnerable, I always say I used to be such an emotional wreck and naive when I was in love, and hopelessly delusional and scarring my mind. I fear going back there. But now my maturity has widened.
Maybe it's the change of year, the slipping away of time that made me realize I need something more than just sex. Also probably the questioning of my old lifestyle, and how it may affect my health and well being.
Can't say how I will feel about this next month, let alone next week.... but right now I'm quite certain.
Easier said than done though, now that I know I want to date, doesn't mean I will be able to find someone hahaha..... I might have entered the market a little too late LOL, or have NO market value in the dating realm as compared to the sex realm :(
Regardless, at least I'm taking a step in that direction!!
Wish me luck haha, I need it :P
XOXO
Saturday, January 12, 2013
That Night
The memory of it is fuzzy, and I haven't told anyone yet.
It was new year's eve, I attended a dinner party. The place was really crowded, I was walking up this hill to the restaurant. People everywhere.
I went to the toilet and there was this guy with his pants down, peeing in a cubicle with the door open. People walking by were staring. Someone even took a photo of his ass. Like WTF....
I made my way back outside. I remember seeing my family. Don't really recall what happened next.
Then it was midnight. People started rushing outside, I remember walking down the hill.
I couldn't find my family, so I made my way through the crowd back up the hill.
The restaurant transformed into a house. Not sure who's, but I walked in... and my family was there, along with strangers. The floor was wet. Everyone was wet. There was some sort of water party to celebrate the new year. I missed out. I walked to the back of the house.
Then I met him.
He was shirtless, we went out from the back door of the house. It was pitch black. We stopped at the middle of the street. No one else was around. He hugged me from behind. I could feel his toned muscular body LOL. It was all oiled up.... somehow the water was oil? He took my clothes off and fucked me right there and then, while we were both standing on the street. It was a big risk, luckily no one saw us.
It didn't last long. The sky was starting to get bright. I put my clothes back on and he left. I was all alone. I walked back to the house, it became a school or some sort of welfare home. The guard stared at me as I made my way back in. I think he saw what I did.
Then, I woke up. Yes, you've probably guessed it was just a dream.
Interesting right?
I rarely get sex related dreams, this was only like the 3rd time, ever... hahaha.... And NO, it was NOT a wet dream......
I wonder if that's a sign that I will meet that special someone this year? :)
XOXO
It was new year's eve, I attended a dinner party. The place was really crowded, I was walking up this hill to the restaurant. People everywhere.
I went to the toilet and there was this guy with his pants down, peeing in a cubicle with the door open. People walking by were staring. Someone even took a photo of his ass. Like WTF....
I made my way back outside. I remember seeing my family. Don't really recall what happened next.
Then it was midnight. People started rushing outside, I remember walking down the hill.
I couldn't find my family, so I made my way through the crowd back up the hill.
The restaurant transformed into a house. Not sure who's, but I walked in... and my family was there, along with strangers. The floor was wet. Everyone was wet. There was some sort of water party to celebrate the new year. I missed out. I walked to the back of the house.
Then I met him.
He was shirtless, we went out from the back door of the house. It was pitch black. We stopped at the middle of the street. No one else was around. He hugged me from behind. I could feel his toned muscular body LOL. It was all oiled up.... somehow the water was oil? He took my clothes off and fucked me right there and then, while we were both standing on the street. It was a big risk, luckily no one saw us.
It didn't last long. The sky was starting to get bright. I put my clothes back on and he left. I was all alone. I walked back to the house, it became a school or some sort of welfare home. The guard stared at me as I made my way back in. I think he saw what I did.
Then, I woke up. Yes, you've probably guessed it was just a dream.
Interesting right?
I rarely get sex related dreams, this was only like the 3rd time, ever... hahaha.... And NO, it was NOT a wet dream......
I wonder if that's a sign that I will meet that special someone this year? :)
XOXO
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Melissa AsNTM
I've been following Asia's Next Top Model since the very beginning, and those of you who know me on fb will know that I've been actively commenting and supporting both the AsNTM page and also our country's representative Melissa!! :)
Just wanted to say I'm so proud to have such a lovely girl represent Malaysia, she definitely makes you smile and has the ability to make you root for her week after week. She was not born a typical model, ie she is not the tallest girl, and by industry standards she is considered a little heavy, even though she does NOT look fat at all. She actually has a great, healthy sized figure, and she also plays and coaches tennis so she should be fit. Unfortunately the modelling industry craves stick thin girls.
If you watch the show, you will see her work and try hard and improving week by week, even though some of the other girls look more like models. What stands out is her bubbly and positive attitude which is infectious, and the show tends to feature a lot of her crazy and over the top expressions hahahaha, probably because she is one of the more outspoken contestants in the competition.
Anyway, even though Melissa was eliminated this week, I think she has definitely made an impact on her fans, and become a role model for everyone who is or was ever an underdog, or perhaps to those who feel like they are not good enough because they do not fit a certain stereotype.
For those who can't watch AsNTM on StarWorld, you're in luck because AsNTM also uploads the episodes on YouTube!! Currently you can watch up to episode 5 online ;)
http://www.facebook.com/AsiasNextTopModel
Will continue to support Melissa for sure :)
XOXO
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Resolutions 2013
After much thought, here are my resolutions for 2013, for now. All items in the list are subject to change, because circumstances change, and my needs and desires varies with time LOL.
1. Be healthier, stay healthy
This can be done in so many ways, including sleeping earlier and not letting work stress me out too much. Be spiritually happy LOL. Eat less fast food. Making smarter choices when possible.
2. Maintain gym routine
Right now I gym 3 times a week, I will try my best to stay motivated and continue working out. I definitely feel and see the difference in the chest and biceps :P Perhaps more work on abs, which is the suckiest part of my body now. Also try to gain some weight from my current 58 :P
3. Cut down on casual sex
I realize it's becoming a bit of an addiction. I think I really need to pull out the self control and discipline. Maybe form a support group and collect rings or tags to denote/celebrate how long since I've last had sex like what recovering alcoholics do LOL. I will try to use 2013 as my clean slate. This is probably going to be the hardest resolution hahaha!!!
4. Get tested
I think it's high time I had a HIV test. I know I always play safe, but still there is a risk. And I know to get the most accurate results, I should remain abstinent for a few months, or else I need to get tested like every 3-6 months maybe, because I think the virus can remain latent initially right..
5. Seriously consider what to do with my romantic/love life
I've said it several times already, but I think I'm kind of ready to date. At least I'm more wise now, and no longer that emotionally damaged. Perhaps it's time to explore possibilities in 2013.
Okies, that about sums it up. Will update/change when necessary.
XOXO
1. Be healthier, stay healthy
This can be done in so many ways, including sleeping earlier and not letting work stress me out too much. Be spiritually happy LOL. Eat less fast food. Making smarter choices when possible.
2. Maintain gym routine
Right now I gym 3 times a week, I will try my best to stay motivated and continue working out. I definitely feel and see the difference in the chest and biceps :P Perhaps more work on abs, which is the suckiest part of my body now. Also try to gain some weight from my current 58 :P
3. Cut down on casual sex
I realize it's becoming a bit of an addiction. I think I really need to pull out the self control and discipline. Maybe form a support group and collect rings or tags to denote/celebrate how long since I've last had sex like what recovering alcoholics do LOL. I will try to use 2013 as my clean slate. This is probably going to be the hardest resolution hahaha!!!
4. Get tested
I think it's high time I had a HIV test. I know I always play safe, but still there is a risk. And I know to get the most accurate results, I should remain abstinent for a few months, or else I need to get tested like every 3-6 months maybe, because I think the virus can remain latent initially right..
5. Seriously consider what to do with my romantic/love life
I've said it several times already, but I think I'm kind of ready to date. At least I'm more wise now, and no longer that emotionally damaged. Perhaps it's time to explore possibilities in 2013.
Okies, that about sums it up. Will update/change when necessary.
XOXO
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
2012 -> 2013
First post of 2013 baby!! Happy new year everyone! :)
I get the feeling that my blog is dying. In general I think blogs are no longer that IN anymore, thanks to the likes of Facebook and Twitter. I predict a number of bloggers will be migrating from Blogger to some other domain in 2013. I will go with the flow ;)
The end of a year definitely makes a person sentimental for a moment. On the way driving home from work on new year's eve, some of the memorable or significant events of 2012 flashed through my mind:
1. Completing a tough internship, learning from it and proud that I hung in there
2. Enjoying my last semester in Uni, which might be my last experience of student life
3. Traveling to Singapore on my own, my first ever solo trip. A mark of independence
4. My first foam party at Absolute, it was such a beautiful experience on the rooftop, the sensation of the foam, meeting Ken, I will not forget that night.
5. LOL the year I started going International haha, being able to mark Singaporean, Japanese and Australian off my fuck list. And obviously the controversy of my 'Going International' post, which is probably the most commented post on my blog of all time LOL
6. Graduation, a short but memorable experience!
7. First time flying on a long distance flight by myself haha, another mark of independence
8. Buying and using a dildo LOL!! It's nice haha :P
9. Getting my first full time job, and hence first pay check!
10. Meeting a handful of bloggers in person, I think that marks a step of me moving forward in the circle and not being so guarded :)
In my next post, I will write some of the things I wish to achieve in 2013!!
Lots of love and best wishes in 2013 to all of you,
XOXO
I get the feeling that my blog is dying. In general I think blogs are no longer that IN anymore, thanks to the likes of Facebook and Twitter. I predict a number of bloggers will be migrating from Blogger to some other domain in 2013. I will go with the flow ;)
The end of a year definitely makes a person sentimental for a moment. On the way driving home from work on new year's eve, some of the memorable or significant events of 2012 flashed through my mind:
1. Completing a tough internship, learning from it and proud that I hung in there
2. Enjoying my last semester in Uni, which might be my last experience of student life
3. Traveling to Singapore on my own, my first ever solo trip. A mark of independence
4. My first foam party at Absolute, it was such a beautiful experience on the rooftop, the sensation of the foam, meeting Ken, I will not forget that night.
5. LOL the year I started going International haha, being able to mark Singaporean, Japanese and Australian off my fuck list. And obviously the controversy of my 'Going International' post, which is probably the most commented post on my blog of all time LOL
6. Graduation, a short but memorable experience!
7. First time flying on a long distance flight by myself haha, another mark of independence
8. Buying and using a dildo LOL!! It's nice haha :P
9. Getting my first full time job, and hence first pay check!
10. Meeting a handful of bloggers in person, I think that marks a step of me moving forward in the circle and not being so guarded :)
In my next post, I will write some of the things I wish to achieve in 2013!!
Lots of love and best wishes in 2013 to all of you,
XOXO
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