Been feeling down..
Well this feeling isn't something new, it comes and goes..
Life in university hasn't been great, never felt more alone even though I'm surrounded by course mates. I can honestly say not a single one of them is a true friend, I wouldn't open up to any of them or be able to chat for hours and still not run out of things to say. I'm kind of sick of them.
I miss my old friends from high school. Now those guys were fun to be around. Too bad we are all separated now :(
Today in the lecture hall, no one sat next to me. I took a seat behind my regular 'gang' but they are mostly girls and tend to prefer sitting together. I feel a little uneasy when seated alone, when everyone in the class is talking but you are just staring into space and pretending to play with your phone, and you feel like someone is watching how pathetic you are.
You know what my problem is?
I'm anti social. I don't like to make small talk, heck I usually don't have much to say anyway. Everyone seems to be getting closer and dividing into smaller gangs, but I just don't fit into any one. My relationship with everyone is very superficial, hi/bye, talk about assignments kind of shit.
Frankly I don't want to fit in by pretending to enjoy talking about topics I don't care about. I like being independent and not talking a lot. But everyone else is just not like that. I guess what I'm saying is that there's no one else like me in my class. No one gets me.
Like a blue bird in a cage full of yellow ones.
I don't want to change myself just to not be the outcast, but at the same time I don't want to feel so alone. What the heck am I supposed to do?
Get a boyfriend? hahahahaha :P
Having a boyfriend to be obsessed about and getting lots of sex might take my mind off things! :P
-The part about the boyfriend is a joke. At least I still have some humour in me.-
Why not try to change the way you socialize...If you are anti-social, you shouldn't feel loneliness...therefore, you are not. Be happy, always.
ReplyDeleteDear J-boy,
ReplyDeleteThis is just a phase, as time goes by, we got no choice but adapt to changes. Hence, it will come to a point where we'll change to meet our social norms. It's evolution, our body is just designed to be that way.
:)
hi...hate ur uni-frens? then find ppl from other course or outside of uni to hang with, that was what I did
ReplyDeleteDon't change yourself or pretend to be someone you're not just to fit in. Since you said you're independent and don't like small talks, then I don't see why you should be feeling down when no one talks to you or ask you to join them because they can see you're different. If you ever need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to message me either via email or MSN chat.
ReplyDeleteI kind of know how you feel.
ReplyDeleteBut you used to hang around with a bunch of guys right? I think.
And how come I never ever see you around when I see your classmates?
Hopefully you'll find the right group of people soon. If not, then their loss. :)
i'm an anti-social person as well.. i just talk when i need to. no need to pretend friendly la..
ReplyDeletenot sure if this is a good advise..lol ;p
@Skyhawk: it's hard to explain, i know i AM anti social, but yet i'm afraid to be alone. I guess just because I don't socialize or need lots of friends, that doesn't me i won't need someone to be there for me, even if not much talking is involved. It's emotional support in a way haha..
ReplyDelete@CX: yeah i agree about adaptation being a natural thing in life, but who knows i may adapt to become more used to being alone, rather than adapting to being sociable. I'm twisted :P
@ichimaru akira: hi! i don't really hate them, just that i get sick of them after being around them everyday.. and yeah i agree that i should look for friends outside of uni :)
@Calvin: Huh I never really thought about it that way until u mentioned it. Maybe they don't approach me as much because they know i'm not a chirpy talker. Thanks, and i will contact u :)
ReplyDelete@Aiden: Yeah the guys r the closest bunch to me, but we r all doing diff majors so now we r all splitting up in year 3! hardly see them now :(
Haha i think the group u r referring to is our mutual gang. well this group is really large and i'm not close with all of them, so... plus i don't like big groups.
@Danny: haha thank u, we r kinda similar! :P