I'm back... again!

How many 'comebacks' has it been already?

I was never completely gone, just that there was nothing to blog about. That's right, my life is THAT boring. And the reason I've not been visiting your blogs or commenting on posts, the same reason why I was avoiding messages from dating sites and msn. I was in hiding. It's the easy way out, instead of having to deal with confrontation and mixed feelings.

I do want to meet that special someone, and I know staying to myself isn't going to get me anywhere. But somehow I just can't find the motivation to chat and get to know people. So how the hell am I going to meet that so called 'knight in shining armor'?

And being discreet doesn't help my case either. I think I act TOO straight. No guy has ever hit on me, possibly in fear that they would get humiliated for chatting up a str8 guy. Or perhaps it could be my lack of appeal, but I don't think I'm THAT bad LOL.

On rare occasions when a guy I met online did show intentions toward me, I instinctively push them away. Totally amazed at how desperately hopeful I am in seeking a guy BUT completely cold and heartless at the same time. You know I might actually be bipolar. That would explain a lot of things.......

I have a horrible feeling that I'm going to grow old and die alone. Hahahaha tragic isn't it?
Well at least I will have many years to get used to it.
Don't worry I'm not emo, I feel surprisingly calm actually.

On another note, despite acting discreet, I have never felt more gay in my entire life. :P


the comeback song!

Adam Levine Bares It All

OMG this pic of Adam is so freaking hot! Tattoos and chest hair turn me on. You all know I have the hots for him right ;)

The sexy Maroon 5 frontman posed naked for the latest issue of British Cosmopolitan on behalf of the Everyman charity, which raises awareness on prostate and testicular cancer. So get checked guys if you feel something isn't right down there.

And those hands on him belong to his Victoria Secret model girlfriend Anne Vyalitsyna. She's making ALL of us so jealous!!! I wonder if he got hard during the photo shoot? ;)

Twenty Ten

With just 9 days left before we welcome 2011, have you made the most out of your year?

2010 saw the birth of this blog, which is considered a big step for me into the plu circle. I now feel more in touch with all things plu thanks to the many interesting and educational posts from the huge number of bloggers out there! Had some fun, formed new friendships, gained a bro :) though he has been missing in action from the blogging world of late.

Had a handful of crushes this year, and as expected crushes only crush my heart. I'm sure everyone remembers the Eric catastrophe. Looking back at those months I can't believe I behave so inappropriately. I cannot explain it. At that time I was truly convinced that he was the love of my life, I was completely obsessed with him.... seriously unhealthy stuff!

And you know what's scary? The fact that I have absolutely NO feelings for him now, not even a tiny bit, goes to show that I really don't understand what LOVE is. Even after romancing with the other guy I talked about in October, I realize love CANNOT happen in a short time.
If you fall for someone in a short period of time, chances are that love will also only last a short period of time.

That's my latest theory. You can't just fall in love like in the movies. It takes an incredible amount of time to actually know someone enough to be in love. This theory completely conflicts with my previous belief that you can fall for someone without being regular friends first (as in directly from acquaintance to lover). This means you shouldn't be looking for lovers online, rather you should look at the friends you already have and build something from there!? Any sense to that?
So far I have yet to experience that. But I'm willing to patiently spend as long as it takes to fall in love with someone. :)

These are just thoughts I would like to note down before the year ends.
Have a blessed Christmas everyone!!! :D

So Hot

Never have I posted pics of semi naked men on my blog, but I'll have to make an exception because these guys are just way hot!!!

Hope this won't compromise my integrity. After all there's nothing wrong with admiring some hot bods, especially since I'm single and deprived now! Totally entitled to ogle ;)

The theme for this selection of pics is obvious - CK Underwear!
I kind of have a thing for men in underwear. Especially these tight fitting ones!

Look at those veins!

Yet Again

I cried again today. No biggie, just built up emotions that had to be released. Guess what, the last time it happened (see previous post) was exactly 1 month ago. Guess I have monthly mood swings, I have the male period LOL. Shedding tears once a month doesn't make me a cry baby right?

Apologies for being MIA lately. Got nothing to blog about. I have still been reading your blogs though, hope I won't be forgotten! :)

Few days ago I had a really awesome dream that ended wet. Mike Posner was in it. He was some sort of thug, I was walking in a quiet street at night, he was with his gang. He approached me with a knife wanting to rob me, so I ran for my life. Dreams don't really connect well, the next thing I remember was running up some stairs of an old, museum looking building with him chasing me. Suddenly we end up in bed, he's lying on his back and I sit right on top of his ahem and he pounds me hard over and over until he cums. By this time things get wet in real life.

I forgot to mention one thing. Halfway through it, I realized he's not fucking me, but a muscular looking Black shemale whore complete with a big blond wig and over the top make up. My dreams are intricate aren't they? ;)


Mike Posner is so sexy. I think men with shaved heads are so hot. Army boys! I would love to rub his head (not dick head, but the one above his neck!). And his voice is also a huge turn on. He can sing to me while making love. Mind blowing hot!

Mike Posner if you ever read this, I'm all yours! Take me any time hahaha

The Crying Game

I just cried. In my room. Alone. Pathetic.

An hour ago everything was fine. It just takes one incident to trigger the sadness. Then I start thinking about other sad things. Before you know it, you get overwhelmed with self pity and out comes the water works.

The eyes get red and the warm tears start running everywhere. The worst part is when the mucus builds up and the airway gets congested, so you have to start gasping for air like a panting dog. It's an ugly sight. No wonder I choose to cry only when alone.

But I do feel so much better after calming down and drying up. You may think it's emo and weak to sob, personally I think it's therapeutic and a way of dealing and managing your own emotions. Not that I cry every other day... it happens maybe like once a month or two? Not sure what the exact figure is. I don't keep track. It just happens.

Don't wanna talk about why I cried. Not blogging about my problems. Now that I think about it, it's not that big of a deal. Just caught in a moment I guess.

Good nite.

Grown Out Of It

It's hard to describe the state I'm in now. No despair, I feel normal actually, whatever 'normal' means.

I'm just as confused as you guys are about the things I said lately. One moment I want to be in love, and the next I want to stay far away from it. The best way for me to explain it is that I have grown out of it. No, I'm not referring to him, I still think he is a fantastic guy. Instead I think I have grown out of the phase of wanting to be in a relationship.

In the past, I have had LOTS of crushes. You guys have heard about MK and Eric. At that time, being with my dream guy was something I wanted so badly, or at least it was what I thought I wanted. But since they never felt the same way about me, I never knew what being in a relationship was like.

But this time it's different. With this guy I'm seeing now, he's showing affection and for the past week or so we have been treating each other as though we were in a relationship. It was fine at first, but turns out it scares me. I suddenly realize that I'm not ready.

As selfish as that sounds, I just don't have the heart to be someone's other half. I think it's weird that someone likes me. I don't know how to react. I enjoy seeing other couples being sweet and getting mushy, like when you guys blog about your relationships, I will go 'Awwww that's so damn sweet!'. But it's the opposite when a guy is sweet to me. Apparently I can't tolerate it. I'm like salt. Sweetness doesn't go well with me.

I think my explanation is clear. For once in my life, I genuinely want to be single. Every time I got over a crush I say that I want to be single and independent. This time I mean it. I don't want to look anymore. Being given the chance to experience love, I realize it's not what I'm looking for now. Perhaps my feelings will change next week, or next month or next year or even the next decade. I'm in no hurry.

For now I just want to celebrate and live my life! 3 Cheers for Independent power ;)