Loneliness

Been feeling down..

Well this feeling isn't something new, it comes and goes..

Life in university hasn't been great, never felt more alone even though I'm surrounded by course mates. I can honestly say not a single one of them is a true friend, I wouldn't open up to any of them or be able to chat for hours and still not run out of things to say. I'm kind of sick of them.
I miss my old friends from high school. Now those guys were fun to be around. Too bad we are all separated now :(

Today in the lecture hall, no one sat next to me. I took a seat behind my regular 'gang' but they are mostly girls and tend to prefer sitting together. I feel a little uneasy when seated alone, when everyone in the class is talking but you are just staring into space and pretending to play with your phone, and you feel like someone is watching how pathetic you are.

You know what my problem is?
I'm anti social. I don't like to make small talk, heck I usually don't have much to say anyway. Everyone seems to be getting closer and dividing into smaller gangs, but I just don't fit into any one. My relationship with everyone is very superficial, hi/bye, talk about assignments kind of shit.

Frankly I don't want to fit in by pretending to enjoy talking about topics I don't care about. I like being independent and not talking a lot. But everyone else is just not like that. I guess what I'm saying is that there's no one else like me in my class. No one gets me.

Like a blue bird in a cage full of yellow ones.

I don't want to change myself just to not be the outcast, but at the same time I don't want to feel so alone. What the heck am I supposed to do?

Get a boyfriend? hahahahaha :P
Having a boyfriend to be obsessed about and getting lots of sex might take my mind off things! :P

-The part about the boyfriend is a joke. At least I still have some humour in me.-

A Little Sizzle

Just when I thought my life was completely deprived of sexiness, a hot young thing comes my way. Gosh, I shouldn't say that, it makes me sound like an old pedo or cougar. I'm still young okay :P

Here's the story.

Yesterday I received a facebook friend request from a guy from school. The profile looked SO VERY familiar because I have stalked it several times, though not recently. He's my junior by 1 intake, but we had a couple of common classes last semester. I have always been eyeing him since I first saw him. Definitely a looker. He's not the handsome nor hunky kind. More like slim twink who's the joker of the class, charismatic. Cute to look at, fun to be around type of guy.

Never spoke to him in class before because we stick to our gangs by intake.

But I ran into him a couple of times before, like literally.

The first time was after class I was talking to someone, he was headed for the door, just when I turned around I swung my arm a little and it hit his crotch spot on (What are the chances right!). I'm almost certain I hit his member. I quickly said 'Sorry' and he said 'Sorry' also. LOL.

The second time I was late for class but really had to pee so I was rushing to the toilet, just when I was zooming towards the toilet entrance he came out behind it and I almost collided with him had I not jerked myself back immediately. Again I said 'Sorry' and he said 'Sorry' AGAIN as well! That's his default response when someone apologizes to him perhaps. LOL!!

So these were our only encounters. I had a strong hunch that he was straight so I never bothered to contact him in any way.

But what does this friend request mean?
Does a straight guy add another guy he has never spoken to before?? Is it for networking? Technically we are not even friends. Sure we have 8 mutual friends, but that doesn't mean much.
Is that normal practice for straight guys?

Gosh!!!! See he's bringing out the crazy in me. I think too much.

To Gym or Not To Gym

I have put a decent amount of thought into it, and perhaps a gym membership is worth getting in the long run to improve my image :P

CF is opening a new branch in PJ, I passed by once and the consultant mentioned there was some opening promo, but I have read online from others on how some of the registration fees can be waived and all, and of course they might try to cheat you on the monthly fees...

So I'm thinking it might not be such a good idea to walk in alone. I have done some research and I know roughly how much it costs. Am I supposed to bargain like a aunty at the market? Sometimes having thick skin helps, but my skin is as thin as they come haha!

Gym is kind of intimidating for newbies. I wonder if I will be stared down? But my intentions are really to work out and improve my fitness, maybe also stare at some yummy candies hahaha!

Any advice fellow bloggers?

Kylie Magic

What can I say, you have to be there to feel what I felt. The audience was out in full force in terms of cheer and support, I was screaming, singing along and dancing away like there was no tomorrow.

On A Night Like This, I wanna stay forever.

At the end of it, my ears were ringing and my throat was sore. Exhausted and sweaty but never been more satisfied.

The Kylie live experience is highly recommended.





P.S. I didn't film this video, merely sharing a video from a fellow enthusiastic fan ;)

Getting Ready

Sorry for not updating or responding to comments sooner. Lately I feel sick of myself, I didn't think it was possible, but I just don't want to talk about me anymore. Perhaps it's a part of the avoidance from existing issues I talked about in the previous post. Ughh. Let's talk about other things for now.

Counting down the days to the Singapore trip, quite hard to believe I get to see Kylie Minogue in concert so very soon. It will be a night to remember, as Barney from How I Met Your Mother would say, it's going to be Legend... wait for it... dary!!!! I think I need to pinch / bitch slap myself to realize that this isn't a dream.

Will probably take a break from blogging indefinitely, but I will still hop around and leave comments on your fabulous blogs. :)

Lotsa Luve,
J-boy

Guilt Takes Over Me

So drama. LOL.

The thing is... I have been avoiding this guy for some time now. A guy that I liked (past tense), but don't feel anything for him anymore. He still likes me, so I don't know how to tell him. We communicate through MSN, some time ago his home internet connection was down so we didn't talk for a few days, and I used that opportunity to avoid him.

Since then, I have been appearing offline to him. He left me a message right after his connection was restored, explaining why he was missing and said that he missed me. I was hoping that he would get the message if I just 'disappeared' from his life. It's brutal of me, I know.

I was never good at delivering bad news.
Just don't have the heart for it when things get personal.
It seems easier to lay low and avoid the confrontation.
Everybody wants to be the good guy. I don't want to be a mean bitch by saying I don't like him anymore for no valid reason.

The problem here is time. If I faced it earlier and confronted him about it sooner, things wouldn't get so draggy. But now because the period has extended, I feel like the moment has passed and there isn't a right time to talk to him anymore. And the longer this situation goes on, the weight just seems to get heavier. Hence the guilt.

And it's not just him. I appear offline to a number of people I met online whom I find annoying. Some of them just keep pestering me with the same questions or suggestions to meet up or hook up, or sometimes I just feel lazy to make small talk. Over time I would rather not talk to them at all.

Does this make me a bad person? :(

Just Like Holly Holiday

Sorry for not updating regularly, it's because nothing blog worthy has happened.

There's no man in my life now... I seem to be pushing anyone that comes near me away, so yeah... I'm like the opposite of a magnet, I'm an anti-man magnet.

I'm like Holly Holiday (Gwyneth Paltrow rocks!), with the fear of commitment. The minute things start to get serious with someone, I pull out. I'm a substitute. Permanent ain't my cup of tea. Guess I don't want a relationship after all. It's over rated anyway. It gets a little lonely at times, but overall I'm happy with the perks of being single :)
OK maybe dying alone is depressing, but I'll only think about that in a few decades.

Getting really excited about my Singapore trip now as the date draws closer and closer!! :)
It's nice to have something to look forward to when life is so monotonous and stale at the moment. Ready to shake my ass and put my hands up for Ms.Kylie!! whoop whoop

Something random I wanted to say... I noticed there are more and more plu bloggers joining the community, and most of them are still so young!! It's a good thing, I wished I had access to all the information and exposure at an earlier age, then maybe I wouldn't have wasted so many years.

Blogging is a place to confide, to share things that you otherwise wouldn't be able to talk about to anyone else. So keep up the good work comrades, I really do enjoy reading your entries! ;)