Lonely

Lonely is such a pathetic word. Yet that's exactly how I feel now.
I have family & friends. Yet I still feel empty.

No one truly gets me. Sometimes even I don't get me.
Every now and then I feel isolated. Disconnected from everyone else.

I can be independent. I'm not looking for someone to take care of me.
That's not what I need.

I'm not looking for someone to talk to. I have friends for that.
I'm not much of a talker anyway.

I'm not looking for casual sex. It doesn't get me anywhere.
It's not as pleasurable as I imagined.

I guess I'm lonely because I have yet to meet my soul mate.
There are many guys on the web, yet I can't find a match.
Someone who understands me. Someone who wants the same things as me.
I have yet to experience true love.

I feel it's impossible to find "THE ONE" through the Internet because it's just different from meeting someone in your daily life, someone that you already know or always see, you know like the guy from college that you have a crush on.

It's just hard to be attracted to someone that you have not met in person in the first place. People who seek love online already have the intention when they chat with strangers. So it's not like you fall in love naturally because you are genuinely attracted to that person, you know what I mean?

Ain't easy finding someone online who is from your social circle, who can identify with your background and lifestyle. In a way it's easier to look in "real life", the people who hang with us, people that we can relate to in other aspects. Unfortunately it's also not easy to tell if they are interested in us... After all you can't just tell your friend that you like him and ask if he is gay.

Either way it's difficult. No wonder I'm still alone now........

picture exchange

I'm back in the scene.

Had some new responses at the dating site, when I first saw that dude's face profile pic I should have known it was too good to be true. It was a hot Chinese twink. Somehow I believed him.

After chatting with that person for a while, we exchanged pics of our you-know-where. I'm into that.

Immediately after looking at his body pics I asked if his face profile pic was real. Now he tells me that it isn't, but I give him credit for giving me his real Friendster link. However this was only after he saw my real pics and indicated his interest in having sex with me.

Well I wasn't impressed and I'll tell you why:
1. That dude said he had a 5.5inch dick but what I saw was perhaps not even half of that.
2. The Chinese twink pic was misleading. He is Malay, and definitely NOT a twink.
3. He lied about his age.
4. The rest of his profile is probably bogus too.


I feel bad for rejecting him after seeing his true self. To judge someone based on their looks is wrong, I know that. But that doesn't change the fact that he lied.

I don't. The pics and info I reveal is real. Guess I need to be even more careful now.

Messy Dream

Had a dirty messy dream last night. I believe this is my first involving a guy.

I remember having a couple of different dreams when I woke up this morning, including one about my mum getting Alzheimer's disease. But there was one that's still clear in my head.

It starts off in my bed. I'm naked with another guy who I can only assume is my boyfriend because I wouldn't take a stranger home. It's late at night and we are about to have sex BUT didn't for reasons I can't remember. After all some dreams don't make sense.

The next thing I recall is the guy jerking off in front of me and about to cum on the sheets. I like my sheets to be clean so I put both my hands together and formed a 'bowl' to contain his load. I didn't expect his load to be so HUGE it started overflowing.... seriously! It was milky white and watery.

SO I responded by throwing his load on the floor and there was a big mess. Then he looked at me and said "You should have just let me cum on the bed". Then I went into the toilet to clean myself up. Can't recall what happened in the toilet, but I remember coming out and seeing him seated on the floor, cleaning up with a roll of toilet paper! That was the sweetest part of the dream. To see him clean after his own mess.


It's a shame I don't remember how he looks like but I bet he must have been hot! ;)

Strange Place

Been distancing myself from this world for a while now.

I'm not sure what I want.
When I was single, I was craving to be in a relationship.
Now that I'm starting to meet guys, I feel like being single again.

I'm quite happy on my own now. Maybe this feeling is temporary, maybe I'm just getting cold feet.

I'm so fucked up right?

Silence

Everything seems to have settled down.

Ironically, after writing the previous post there has been a lot less responses from the dating site. I guess the initial wave is over.

Earlier I wasn't sure what to do with all the guys, now I'm not sure what to do when it's so quiet.

Currently I'm getting along with a guy on msn. I'm looking towards a relationship, so over the sex with acquaintance thing. Brian is sweet and caring, but I'm most attracted to his intelligence. The way he speaks, the things he talks about are witty. It's hard to find a man with substance, so I'm glad I met him. He is moderately hot, and also sings (slightly off tune though haha). He showed me some of his videos on YouTube and promised to record a song dedicated to me.

I know it's mushy, getting goose bumps now. Don't know how I feel. Maybe I'm getting cold feet. Just not sure if a relationship with him is good for me. Many things to consider like the age difference, culture... he is Filipino-Japanese working in KL, I'm Malaysian Chinese.

What's Going On?

Now this is interesting. Guys coming after me. Don't be misunderstood I'm not bragging, rather I'm puzzled.

I guess I should be happy because not too long ago I was feeling so lonely. But I'm not getting real companionship now either. Most guys just want to play. Moments ago, this guy showed me his webcam of him jerking off, which makes me wonder why guys willingly flash themselves to acquaintances...

I joined a dating site recently, uploaded some pics and since then the responses come daily. I'm flattered, but I really don't get it. I've never considered myself attractive, so why do they compliment my pics? I doubt it's sincere. And they say such nice things about me even though we've never met.

Also how come everyone talks about meeting for sex within the 1st hour of the conversation? Initially I thought it was fun, but after trying it with 2 guys, Den last Sat and Jake today, I realized it's not enjoyable at all. OH, I learnt that guys can look quite different from their pics, and the promises about their giant package is also A LIE. I was so foolish to believe it hahaha.

From now on, I will only do it with someone I have feelings for.

Am I giving out the wrong message to the guys?
Resorting to dating sites seem low, but hey I have had no luck in real life. All guys I fall for turn out to be straight. So where and how can I meet someone who is genuine?

One Rude Boy

OK I met an incredibly mean guy online moments ago. Caught me off guard.

It started with decent intros, then chatting about random things, then he confessed that he was a straight forward, harsh talking guy. He said "If I like something I say I like, if I don't like then I say don't like".

This is still acceptable. I don't mind a guy who has his principles, but then he gave me his Facebook email. I didn't ask for it. After that he kept pestering me, asking why I haven't added him. I said I don't want to, I like to keep my personal life private. My fb profile has my real name, info and friends. I'm sure you understand why I refused.

Wow then came the blasting. He was obviously angry, suggesting that I cheated him, asking for his Facebook, looking at his profile then not adding him. For the record, I didn't even log on to Facebook until he started getting angry. I apologized but he was so pissed he changed his status to 'away' and ignored me.

Such a pity coz he was a good looking one haha. Classic example of a Bad Boy.

Now that I've viewed his profile, I hope he won't be able to track me and hack my various accounts under that name.

Some people really need to learn to chill.