Until today, I'm still amazed at how the human heart is able to move on... rather quickly in fact. That's how we are able to survive I guess.
It's kind of cold in a way. Sometimes I genuinely feel like I will never be able to love someone forever and always, it's just not within my capacity. I get sick of someone whenever I spend too much time with them. And remember the guy, that junior that I was so crazy about just a month or so ago? Well, now I feel nothing at all... not even when I run into him. Numb. And this goes for all the crushes that I have had. I don't feel anything for them anymore.
This is why I don't want a relationship, because I know I won't last. And it pisses me off when I chat with guys online, and they ask me why are you still single? Why don't you look for a boyfriend? My reply will often be 'Why must I have a boyfriend? I don't want a boyfriend just to have a boyfriend, just because everyone else wants or have a boyfriend'.
I don't know the purpose actually. I don't really need the physical or emotional support from a lover, I'm fairly independent, and can always turn to family or friends when I need a pick-me-up. Do you get a boyfriend for the sex? Well, I certainly don't need a boyfriend for that, LOL.. been getting plenty lately.. to the point that I feel like a dirty, horrible slut. But that's not the point of this post :P
Do you want a boyfriend for the company and to share your life with? To fill the loneliness? OK this is maybe a better reason... but I feel that if a relationship was formed based on the sake of company, then for sure it won't last, because eventually you will be bored of that person, and seek someone else that's more exciting to fill the gap right?
So why do you want / have a boyfriend?
Can someone please enlighten me...
Doesn't mean you have to love forever, just love them for as long as you can :)
ReplyDeleteDitto to savante.
ReplyDeleteIt's all about wholesomenss. I supposed when you have achieved great things such as education, career...love will come next.
:)
Before I reply to your post, let me say I like the header. Just a suggestion, maybe you could try to pose your eyes to be more seductive for the shoot. Hehehe... then it'll be a sexy header.
ReplyDeleteIt's perfectly fine if you don't have the urge or need to have a bf since you admit you're quite independent. If I'm not mistaken, you're referring to the emotion department, right?
Some people feel the need to nurture their love and care to one specific person. That's why they find someone they like and shower that person with their love and care. It's different with friends because the depth of that love and the intimacy with your lover can never be done with your normal hangout friend, right? You can't hug or kiss your friends the way you do with a lover.
Yes, you can have sex with anyone with no strings attached but to others, they feel empty. Even after a session of great sex with a hunk, they still feel lonely and empty. When the sex is over, they feel the act itself is just an act of lust. It's not something you share it with someone you love.
When you have sex with your lover/bf, you're not just having sex, it's two persons connecting intimately with each other, and the intimacy that comes with it will enhance and improve the relationship in long run.
If you do it with a stranger, you don't feel the intimacy because your mind and heart doesn't connect with that person. There is no special feeling involved with a stranger.
And that is why you keep doing with other guys. You keep finding different guys to do it because each time you done with one, you still feel empty as if the whole experience is meaningless. But when you do it with your bf, it's something meaningful.
Sex and love are not the same things. Sex with a boyfriend can be great, sure, but that is not where intimacy is formed. I still do that in the kitchen with hugs, kisses and a look or two.
ReplyDeleteI have been partnered for 26+ years and still love being with him. It doesn't discount the close friendships I have with others or spending time away. And while I am very independent, I enjoy being able to share times with a constant person and having a rapport and a history. Some friends can give you that, some cannot.
single or attached.. who cares? its ur life.. and u r the only one who gets to decide what u want n how u want enjoy ur life ... cheers :))
ReplyDeleteI take what I can get (boy does that sound desperate), cuz you never know. Really, you never know whether it'll last. You never know if what you like is really what you like. Until it happens, and then you do.
ReplyDeleteI think I want a boyfriend... or at least, the idea a boyfriend... of someone loving and endearing, who'll spend time with me doing things we like and making sweet, sweet love to me everywhere in our home.... but we hardly get what we want, don't we?
Thanks everyone for your input, I really appreciate it! It keeps me thinking haha..
ReplyDelete@Savante: well the thing is, my 'as long as I can' isn't any long at all. I will always be the one who bails first in a relationship, and I hate disappointing other people.
@CX: haha i like the word 'wholesomeness'. Makes me feel warm and fuzzy :P I guess it would be meaningless to have a fantastic career if you have no one to share it with. Lonely at the top..
@Calvin: hahaha i'm not good at facial expressions, how to do sexy eyes? :P
Yes, I'm talking about emotional independence. I'm not the type of person who needs a shoulder to cry on, I don't need to share my feelings (I do it by writing blog posts), I don't need to be pampered. In fact, whenever I see couples doing baby talk or sweet stuff in public it makes me physically ill haha.
Yeah, I agree that there's a limit to how close you can be with a friend.. but the things that you can't do with a friend, eg. hug/kiss/show affection, these are the type of things that I don't feel an urge to do. Hence I don't need a bf for this purpose..
OK but I have to agree on the sex part.. casual sex is physically pleasuring, but it doesn't fulfill the emotional department. this I get.
Thank you for taking the time to write such a long comment! *bows Japanese style*
@Blobby: Why hello there! Thanks for dropping by :) The thing about me is that I'm not really a loving person (gosh that sounds so harsh). I'm not very affectionate in the sense that I'm not a hugger, and I don't expect hugs and affection, even though it does feel good.
ReplyDeleteBut I gotta say, 26 years is AMAZING! I may be bitter and skeptical about my own chances, but it always makes me feel so good and hopeful to know that are couples out there who are able to go the distance. I wish nothing but the best for you and your partner! thanks for your input, I totally get what u said :)
@Danny: I know right! it's my life and I decide how I want to live it, and when I want to get attached.. I just haven't met anyone that I feel like I can be with.. yet. Hopefully I'll be able to recognize it when I see it :P
@Deicidal: Yeah, so true.. what you think you want somehow turns out to be not what you want. We have expectations of how our other half will be like, but most of the time it's the things we don't expect that surprises us the most right ;)
And the last bit is so sad but true too.. Well let's just hope for the best!
I'm unsure why you have phobia into a relationship but certainly, the feeling is different. However it can very hurt you as much as your enjoy the sweetness of love. A sex without love lead to emptiness.
ReplyDeleteI used to be Skyhawk and now I have changed my blog due to some reasons...please kindly add me to your blog list and remove the old one.
Cheers
you got to know what you really want,it depends,if you felt lonely it doesn't mean you need a boyfriend,maybe in fact you need more friends instead!
ReplyDeleteyour header doesn't look naughty,your eye look more like the eyes or a naughty/slutty guy,i like it!
@Skyhawk/Antonios: Ohh Hi Sky, I guess I should call u Antonios now. I think my reluctance to get into relationships has to do with fear. Fear of not being able to love someone back as much as they would love me. Fear of getting hurt. Fear of falling for the wrong person which has happened so many times, I think that makes me so skeptical about relationships.. But yeah, I'm not completely closed to the option of falling in love. Just see where life takes me lah haha..
ReplyDelete@Ash: Well, actually until now I'm still unclear of what I want. I have strong opinions and I express what I feel.. but the thing is my opinions and feelings keep changing.
Some days I feel like I want to be in love and have someone, other days I will feel it's pointless and better to be single, which is less complicated.. It's like a see-saw of being afraid of getting hurt, versus being afraid of loneliness.. Either way is not good :(
Hmm.. I cant comment much, but I guess I'll just agree with what you have written here :)
ReplyDelete