I hate this part right here. My heart aches, I can't concentrate on work.
I hate myself for not being able to control my emotions. Letting it get the best of me.
It's uncomfortable. Unsettled. Sad.
How can I feel so strongly about someone I barely know? It's supremely ridiculous!
I spent some time on Facebook trying to locate his profile. But without a full name I failed. Must have looked through hundreds of profiles. How stupid and crazy is that?
I want to stop thinking about him but it's not that easy. I wish he was in front of me right now so I could tell him how I feel and get it over with.
When I'm single I know I don't want to stay like that forever.
When I have a crush I feel like how I feel right now. Sick and desperate.
When I realize my crush is straight, I get heart broken.
Then the cycle repeats itself.
It's misery all the way. Is this how it's going to be for the rest of my life? T_T
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Confusion
Recent posts about bisexuality as well as roles (top/bottom/versatile) from fellow bloggers has been really interesting to read. Got me thinking a lot. To the extent of being confused.
Things I thought I knew turned out to be so much more complicated. So many things I never considered before. It's good in a way. This process will help me understand myself better. I just need to figure it out.
Recently I have been feeling extra lonely. I always feel like that when I have a crush on someone. Craving for his love, but knowing that you won't get it sucks.
I actually prefer the times when I'm happily single and not eyeing anyone. You feel strong and independent, like you don't need a man. Yes I would still be hungry for men but at least I won't feel lonely and weak. It would be more to hot, desperate & sexy haha.
Oh man my feelings for Eric is getting stronger by the day. It's ridiculous how fast I fall in love. I want him so badly. I can't stop picturing the image of us cuddling together while watching a scary movie, how it would feel to have his arms around me...............
God, I should get some sleep.
Things I thought I knew turned out to be so much more complicated. So many things I never considered before. It's good in a way. This process will help me understand myself better. I just need to figure it out.
Recently I have been feeling extra lonely. I always feel like that when I have a crush on someone. Craving for his love, but knowing that you won't get it sucks.
I actually prefer the times when I'm happily single and not eyeing anyone. You feel strong and independent, like you don't need a man. Yes I would still be hungry for men but at least I won't feel lonely and weak. It would be more to hot, desperate & sexy haha.
Oh man my feelings for Eric is getting stronger by the day. It's ridiculous how fast I fall in love. I want him so badly. I can't stop picturing the image of us cuddling together while watching a scary movie, how it would feel to have his arms around me...............
God, I should get some sleep.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Eye Candy Eyeing Me
I like funny, catchy titles =)
Something interesting happened today. Can't describe the situation in detail but let's just say Eric and I were in a room (with lots of other ppl of course). Obviously I was checking him out A LOT, then I noticed sometimes when I looked at him, he was already looking at me.
Eye to eye... BAM!
Normally if someone doesn't catch your eye you won't even notice their presence right, let alone stare at them. Could this be something? Or just my imagination yet again? It's creepy how much this resembles the thing I had going on with MK. Remember I talked about how MK would look at me when I was looking at him? Turns out I was just plain nuts.
My radar tells me he's one of us... from his body language and speech. But physically he looks like a typical straight. But my radar is super horrible, guys I think are gay (or Bi.. something I learned recently from fellow bloggers) turn out to be straight straight, and guys I think are straight, drop the bomb at me. Sometimes the most straight looking ppl are the ones that join the sites I join.
I guess there's no real way of judging sexual preference without actually asking that person.
Unfortunately it's not something you talk about over a casual lunch right hahaha.
The problem now is that even if he's really interested in me, he probably wouldn't come up to me as well for the same reasons. I assume everyone in uni thinks I'm straight.
Suggestions?
Something interesting happened today. Can't describe the situation in detail but let's just say Eric and I were in a room (with lots of other ppl of course). Obviously I was checking him out A LOT, then I noticed sometimes when I looked at him, he was already looking at me.
Eye to eye... BAM!
Normally if someone doesn't catch your eye you won't even notice their presence right, let alone stare at them. Could this be something? Or just my imagination yet again? It's creepy how much this resembles the thing I had going on with MK. Remember I talked about how MK would look at me when I was looking at him? Turns out I was just plain nuts.
My radar tells me he's one of us... from his body language and speech. But physically he looks like a typical straight. But my radar is super horrible, guys I think are gay (or Bi.. something I learned recently from fellow bloggers) turn out to be straight straight, and guys I think are straight, drop the bomb at me. Sometimes the most straight looking ppl are the ones that join the sites I join.
I guess there's no real way of judging sexual preference without actually asking that person.
Unfortunately it's not something you talk about over a casual lunch right hahaha.
The problem now is that even if he's really interested in me, he probably wouldn't come up to me as well for the same reasons. I assume everyone in uni thinks I'm straight.
Suggestions?
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Not So Dry
Just when I said it was getting boring, excitement was injected into my veins!
Spotted a new eye candy at school.
Let me give you a description......
OK well he's my senior, not sure how old he is but he looks matured, not old-looking mature because there is also a hint of little boy cuteness about his face. Not sure what that look is called, but I know for sure he is intelligent.
Totally not the outright screaming sexy type. He's more like the grounded, looks slightly geeky but not actually geeky type. He's not the guy you wanna fuck with instantly, rather the guy you would wanna know, maybe go on a date have a few laughs then fuck with.
On first look you might think he is cocky because there is this seriousness about his expression, like a little tensed but I think he's really a nice guy if you know him and will open up to you. Just guessing though, I don't actually know his personality.
Doesn't look like he works out so it's only an average body, but I would like to imagine he makes up for that with a larger than average tool and maybe excellent skills in bed LOL! Fantasies...
I know I should not have crushes on guys in uni, certainly don't want a repeat of the whole MK experience again. Every time I see him it's an eye sore. Really sucks. OH I forgot to mention this eye candy's name! It's Eric. Such a sweet name right? So far it's still at eye candy level, no crush or crazy feelings yet :P
Will let you know how it goes
Spotted a new eye candy at school.
Let me give you a description......
OK well he's my senior, not sure how old he is but he looks matured, not old-looking mature because there is also a hint of little boy cuteness about his face. Not sure what that look is called, but I know for sure he is intelligent.
Totally not the outright screaming sexy type. He's more like the grounded, looks slightly geeky but not actually geeky type. He's not the guy you wanna fuck with instantly, rather the guy you would wanna know, maybe go on a date have a few laughs then fuck with.
On first look you might think he is cocky because there is this seriousness about his expression, like a little tensed but I think he's really a nice guy if you know him and will open up to you. Just guessing though, I don't actually know his personality.
Doesn't look like he works out so it's only an average body, but I would like to imagine he makes up for that with a larger than average tool and maybe excellent skills in bed LOL! Fantasies...
I know I should not have crushes on guys in uni, certainly don't want a repeat of the whole MK experience again. Every time I see him it's an eye sore. Really sucks. OH I forgot to mention this eye candy's name! It's Eric. Such a sweet name right? So far it's still at eye candy level, no crush or crazy feelings yet :P
Will let you know how it goes
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Pooooff
So much for a comeback. It's been more than a month since my last post.
Sorry if I didn't respond to comments or posts, I'm just in a 'mentally lethargic' state.
Anyway there hasn't been anything worth blogging about.
My plu life has been dry. Like sand in your mouth dry. Basically I'm living the life of a straight single now.
Nobody catches my eye.
I don't catch anybody's eye.
That sums it up.
And I have been hesitant to blog about other things, like the daily stuff I do or enjoy.
Partly because I realized the plu circle is not that discreet. Through certain sites I have discovered that some people I know are plu. Friends of friends in high school or college. About 4 of them now.
It's interesting in a way, but then I wonder if they saw my profile and know as well. Then I think "what if the word gone out" and more of my friends knew. It's puzzling and I still wish to stay private so it's not easy for me to open up anywhere... including here.
I actually know a couple of bloggers here in 'real' life, so to speak. But of course I didn't tell them. I would guess they want to stay private too. I wonder if they know about me and this blog now.
Sorry if I didn't respond to comments or posts, I'm just in a 'mentally lethargic' state.
Anyway there hasn't been anything worth blogging about.
My plu life has been dry. Like sand in your mouth dry. Basically I'm living the life of a straight single now.
Nobody catches my eye.
I don't catch anybody's eye.
That sums it up.
And I have been hesitant to blog about other things, like the daily stuff I do or enjoy.
Partly because I realized the plu circle is not that discreet. Through certain sites I have discovered that some people I know are plu. Friends of friends in high school or college. About 4 of them now.
It's interesting in a way, but then I wonder if they saw my profile and know as well. Then I think "what if the word gone out" and more of my friends knew. It's puzzling and I still wish to stay private so it's not easy for me to open up anywhere... including here.
I actually know a couple of bloggers here in 'real' life, so to speak. But of course I didn't tell them. I would guess they want to stay private too. I wonder if they know about me and this blog now.
Monday, June 7, 2010
The Wave
Something I would like to share.
Not sure if you guys join dating/buddy sites or whatever you call it. I noticed some sort of trend in terms of responses.
When you first join, responses are rather frequent being the newbie and all, after a while things slow down gradually and eventually it reaches a silent point. Sometimes I log in several times a day just to check if there are new messages or if anyone has viewed my profile. Yeah it's pathetic right LOL.
After that initial wave, responses come in bunches. Some days there's nothing, then some days there are several approaches! I joined 2 sites, so it can get quite messy when I'm getting on with a few guys at the same time. I tend to forget certain things.
But those are what I call lucky days. Rare in fact. Most days it's nothing. It can make you feel quite low. Sometimes I wonder how I can enhance my profile, like posting naughty pictures or notes. But that's not really being yourself right, it's like pretending or exaggerating just to seek attention. A profile should reflect who you are in a sincere manner.
It's so hard to find a man with substance. Maybe I'm looking at the wrong place. Almost every guy starts their conversation indicating desire for sex. OK maybe some start with a brief intro and small talk then ask for sex. Sometimes I entertain them when I'm horny but in the long run I know this is totally not what I want.
Even making genuine friends from these sites is hard. Most come and go. Some disappear when they know there's not gonna be any action, some disappear after one conversation. OK but there are a few nice people I don't regret meeting. Really helped me understand the gay world better.
And FYI regarding the previous post I was unsuccessful at going wild LOL. At that time I was in the process of meeting several guys for you-know-what, but somehow they all got turned down one way or another. I just didn't want to anymore.
Maybe I want to stay a good boy for now.
But if a nice, hot guy comes along then I won't hesitate to unleash the animal in me that's just dying to come out. Gonna drive him nuts. ;)
Not sure if you guys join dating/buddy sites or whatever you call it. I noticed some sort of trend in terms of responses.
When you first join, responses are rather frequent being the newbie and all, after a while things slow down gradually and eventually it reaches a silent point. Sometimes I log in several times a day just to check if there are new messages or if anyone has viewed my profile. Yeah it's pathetic right LOL.
After that initial wave, responses come in bunches. Some days there's nothing, then some days there are several approaches! I joined 2 sites, so it can get quite messy when I'm getting on with a few guys at the same time. I tend to forget certain things.
But those are what I call lucky days. Rare in fact. Most days it's nothing. It can make you feel quite low. Sometimes I wonder how I can enhance my profile, like posting naughty pictures or notes. But that's not really being yourself right, it's like pretending or exaggerating just to seek attention. A profile should reflect who you are in a sincere manner.
It's so hard to find a man with substance. Maybe I'm looking at the wrong place. Almost every guy starts their conversation indicating desire for sex. OK maybe some start with a brief intro and small talk then ask for sex. Sometimes I entertain them when I'm horny but in the long run I know this is totally not what I want.
Even making genuine friends from these sites is hard. Most come and go. Some disappear when they know there's not gonna be any action, some disappear after one conversation. OK but there are a few nice people I don't regret meeting. Really helped me understand the gay world better.
And FYI regarding the previous post I was unsuccessful at going wild LOL. At that time I was in the process of meeting several guys for you-know-what, but somehow they all got turned down one way or another. I just didn't want to anymore.
Maybe I want to stay a good boy for now.
But if a nice, hot guy comes along then I won't hesitate to unleash the animal in me that's just dying to come out. Gonna drive him nuts. ;)
Monday, May 31, 2010
Comeback
If anyone is still reading this well I have returned!
After the disappointment of MK I isolated myself from love/relationships.
Now I return a little different. The faith I had for relationships is gone and truth be told all I wanna do now is to go wild. Revisiting the sites I abandoned for potential hook ups.
When you're horny you feel empowered over your body and it's just so sexy. It makes me wanna do all sorts of naughty things.
I do not know how long this feeling will last, maybe I might regret it later, but I'll deal with that when it happens.
Coincidentally this song perfectly describes my current situation.
After the disappointment of MK I isolated myself from love/relationships.
Now I return a little different. The faith I had for relationships is gone and truth be told all I wanna do now is to go wild. Revisiting the sites I abandoned for potential hook ups.
When you're horny you feel empowered over your body and it's just so sexy. It makes me wanna do all sorts of naughty things.
I do not know how long this feeling will last, maybe I might regret it later, but I'll deal with that when it happens.
Coincidentally this song perfectly describes my current situation.
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