Tata

'Tata' is such an awesome word, to have it as your stage name is simply special. Memorable.
Doesn't it remind you of Gaga? :)

Tata Young.
Thai singer, model, actress, entertainer.

She's the closest when it comes to picking a gay icon for South East Asia.
I mean the image and type of music, which is all hot and sexy and going after the boys ;)

I'm writing about her because I was going through my collection of old songs and decided to put a spin on her 'Temperature Rising' album. Excellent effort with tracks like Come Rain Come Shine, Zoom, Mila Mila and a cover of For You I Will.
You will be surprised how well she can sing in English for an Asian. And she has a lovely voice too.


This was the first Tata Young single I heard.. I would imagine plus dancing & bitching to this track. This may be where I got my bitchiness from haha..



There's one other super duper fucking sexy music video, for the track El Nin Yo, which I dance to in my room whenever I feel naughty, but somehow YouTube doesn't allow Malaysian viewers to see it :(

But she's not all about sexy, fast numbers. Some of the more mellow tracks in 'Temperature Rising' really showcase her vocal abilities.

Possibly my favourite Asian English singer :)

till the world ends!

It's Britney, bitch!!

Now this is HOT. Much better video than Hold It Against Me. We see a more real Britney. Not so plastic and dazed like she's been drugged.




Life is so busy now, there's hardly any time to think about him or love. That's actually a good thing. Don't wanna feel miserable. But having a ton of work isn't exactly uplifting either. At least it forces me to stay focused.

Friday is coming, and we all know Saturday comes after that, and then it's Sunday. Thanks to Rebecca Black ;)
If you still don't know who she is, please whack yourself on the head.

Everybody's looking forward to the weekend, weekend....

Empty

There's nothing inside. A void.

I'm now at the phase in the cycle where it's just empty and silent. Feels like there's a hole in my heart. I'm not happy. Not sad. Not angry. Not frustrated. Not contented. Not hopeful. Not strong. Not weak. Just empty.

Still can't stop visiting his blog. It's just a click away. He's updating much more frequently now, as though he knows someone is watching because the updates used to be quite scarce. He's soulful. Has a great heart. Appreciates family. Such a nice guy.

Why am I so desperate for love? Is it really a necessity? Can we live without the romantic type of love? Sure there's family love and love from friends. But it can't substitute 'love love' right?
Why can't humans be naturally inclined to be alone and independent, and not feel the need to be clingy to another person? Why do we need to feel love?

I can't feel anything right now. Like a robot.
Beep beep beep beep beep.

Beep beep. Beep.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeepppp.

Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep.

Now I'm just spamming my own blog.
Maybe it's time to take a break from blogging again. Since I don't feel anything, there's nothing to write about anymore.

Bitch is Back

I'm merely referring to myself haha. I actually enjoy calling myself that. Bitch.

I'm over being sad. No.. Wait, that's a lie. I AM sick of being sad, but there's still some sadness in my system. But since it's too tiring to be that way, so I'm just going to be bitchy and fun.

One of my lecturers back in college once said that we always gotta give our best in everything we do, even if we don't feel confident or a 100%, we just gotta fake it until we make it there eventually. Never show your weaknesses.
Similarly I will just pretend I'm over New Guy until I really am over him. I'm playing reserve psychology with my own mind. How amusing.

There's something else I wanna share.
Today while I was at the computer room in Uni, I overheard (not really overheard, since they were talking SO LOUD) 3 students using the computer beside me who were discussing the issue of homosexuality. One of them even had a fake English accent which made me want to stab myself in the ear. I think they are Arts students that had an assignment about censorship, and they were using the example of Lady Gaga's Born This Way having the line "No matter gay, straight or bi, lesbian transgendered life" being censored from Malaysian radios.

So they were discussing how homosexuality was still not accepted in Malaysia and the fact that even though there is increasing global acceptance for it, it doesn't mean that it's RIGHT. Yeah, one of them said just coz ppl are fine with gays now, it doesn't mean that being gay is right. 2 of them were clearly homophobic. Then one of the girls said 'They say that being gay is not a choice' in a tone which showed she clearly didn't believe in the statement, as though gays want to be gay because they woke up one day and had nothing better to think about.

It suddenly hit me that straight people just don't get it, no matter how much we explain it to them, because they were never in our shoes. You can say a million times that
'I just knew I was gay and honestly if I really had a choice I would choose to be straight because life would be so much easier without the judgment'
but they still won't be able to truly understand. They don't know the feelings that we have for our own gender. It comes naturally. Just like how a straight guy sees a girl and he gets those feelings. But honestly I don't blame them from being that way, because they never went through what we did so it's very hard to relate.

I used to think acceptance from straights was important. But not anymore, since they don't really get it anyway. Screw them. As long as I accept who I am, and understand why I am like this, I'm HAPPY.

Yeah, the bitch has spoken! :P

Pulling Out

It's usually not a good sign when I'm updating frequently. It either means I'm crazy or about to go crazy. Bro you were right. I was getting way ahead of myself. Now I feel like crap.

I made yet another discovery today. Not an obvious sign, but one particular dated entry in his blog gave the slightest hint that New Guy is straight. Comments about girls at his college prom looking better than usual, followed by a heart shaped emoticon. And that's enough for me to know that I should stop thinking about him, because a dead end is inevitable if I continue down this road.

Sometimes I wonder which is worst....

Falling for a straight guy
OR
Falling for a gay guy that doesn't feel the same way about you.

Either way there is NO happy ending. But it seems like these 2 options are all I ever get. So it doesn't really matter if New Guy is plu or not, because chances are he sees me as nothing more than his junior.

I think it's the loneliness that made me fall for guys so easily in a subconscious manner.
Despite all the harsh lessons in the past, and my constant reminders to stay away from developing any romantic feelings for guys, I just keep steering my ship back into that place.

The place where I get all hopeful and picturing myself living happily ever after with 'The One'. That feeling when you see a guy and can instantly imagine how it would be like spending the rest of your life with him, and all the positive qualities about him that you're just so irresistibly drawn to.

But not long after, the 'Happily ever after' bubble bursts, and reality gives you a huge slap in the face. And you cannot say you were surprised because deep down a part of you knew it's just too good to be true.

Yeah. This vicious cycle of building myself up and then falling apart just keeps repeating itself.
Story of my life.

Agent J-Boy, the Spy.

Haha I apologize in advance for the lame @$$ title.

Today I did some Internet spying on new guy. I decided to stop calling him Candy, coz it's like objectifying him rite?
Spying has become what I'm known for. But you guys do it too right, checking out a guy's online profiles and all to see what's his deal.

Last time I told you guys his Facebook profile was restricted. Well I kind of found a loophole to it. We have a mutual friend, H who was my high school mate. Turns out the both of them are in the same club in Uni. A DANCE club. So there were quite a number of pics in H's profile that had New Guy in it. There were pics from this Latin dance competition, with him wearing the tight black shirt with the bare chest, it was like I hit the jackpot!!!
But obviously his dance partner was a girl. Does that mean he's straight? Or do gay guys partner girls as well? I thought being a Latin dancer is kind of gay. OK I know I shouldn't stereotype.

I also Googled his name and went through several pages of results. It is insane, but I did managed to find his BLOG! Hell yeah, I learned so much from there. But it's not a Plu blog, more like a journal. At least there were some nice pics to see. He's into photography too. And animals. Lots of dogs and cats as pets in his hometown.

See isn't the Internet amazing!! But kind of scary at the same time since anyone can access the information that you put up. Now I feel like a creep for looking him up. Therefore I will try to divert your attention to the following video:



Rebecca Black is the most recent Internet sensation. This video has gone viral on YouTube. Mostly negative feedback from viewers, coz of the annoying way she sings, but mostly the ridiculous lyrics. The song is like a joke at first, but now I can't stop humming and listening to it!
Seriously WTF moment....

Candy-licious

Today was awesome.
New guy a.k.a. the Candy I was talking about previously, made small talk with me today!! He was so cute. And the way he talks when he is kind of nervous is so adorable. A little bit of stuttering but sort of smiling like a silly boy when he's talking. Made me smile :)

But the thing is he's nice and friendly to everyone. So I'm still not sure if he's flirting with me or just being himself. But this guy is definitely nicer to me than Eric ever was. Eric never really talked to me unless he had to. Seriously I think it's time someone invented a device that can tell if someone is interested in you or not.. maybe like a pocket size magic pointer that will blink and beep if the target you point it at has feelings for you haha. That way all the people in the world can stop guessing!! :P

I really suck at the game of love. There's a big chance that ALL of this is just in my head. AGAIN.

Don't worry right now I'm not gaga about him yet. It's just nice to feel like someone is approaching you and kind of being flirty. It makes me feel better about myself, kind of sexy actually! :)

But I get these feelings on and off anyway, whether there's a man in my mind or not. I like to flirt and say naughty teasing things... Someone once said I'm good at dirty talk LOL.
And role playing. Not physically in bed, but through chatting haha. My favourite role? Being the patient or nurse getting an inspection from the doctor with his special 'thermometer'! ;)

Feeling sexy and bitchy now, think I'm gonna turn up the music and move my body ;)