Once Again

I knew this would happen but I let it anyway.

I guess I need to get burned to recognize fire. Even though I know exactly what fire is. Sigh, this statement doesn't even make sense.

The guy that I have been falling for (A Little Sizzle and Infatuatuion on Facebook) isn't into me. In fact I'm almost certain he's straight. No, I didn't confront him or confess my feelings like how I did previously with my other crushes.... But let's just say something happened last week which proved that he doesn't care about me. There was a perfect opportunity for him to do something but nothing ever happened :(

This is why you shouldn't be hopeful or have expectations when it comes to love/feelings.

The vicious cycle that I talk so much about in this blog has just repeated itself. Yet another 1 sided crush.

I'm trying hard to not think about him, and constantly telling myself to no longer look at his fb profile. That's the only way to move on. Out of sight, out of mind.

You know, I'm quite sure I'm going to be single for a very long time... possibly forever.
Mr. Right / Prince Charming / The One doesn't exist.

I can't help but feel like there's no one there for me, there's no one fated for me to meet. It's not about getting into a relationship or having a bf, I'm talking about meeting someone you actually love who loves you back. I just don't see it happening for me, maybe I'm meant to stay single in this lifetime.

Good luck to the rest of you single guys out there!!! And I'm not being sarcastic or bitter, I really mean it! Hope you find the happiness that has eluded me :)

Androgyny

Androgynous
–adjective

1. being both male and female; hermaphroditic.

2. having both masculine and feminine characteristics.

3. having an ambigous sexual identity.


The music video above by Garbage makes androgyny look cool, though it is not always the case in reality.
People who are androgynous aren't necessarily gay (I think). Just men who dress like women; women who dress like men. For some it's a fashion statement. Well it's definitely bold.

I think society is more accepting of angrogynous women, like female celebs who put their spin on a man's suit. Whereas guys who put on eye liner like Lambert are more frowned upon. But you wouldn't want to see a man wearing a dress right?

It's interesting... that's for sure.

"Boys in the girl's room,
Girls in the men's room,
You free your mind in your androgyny."

Infatuation on Facebook

OK bet you all knew that things with the guy I was talking about in A Little Sizzle wasn't over. Or at least things are not over in my head. Once I fall, I fall hard. :(

Ever since I accepted his friend request, I can't help thinking of him. I login to Facebook just to see if he's online or if he had posted anything. I'm posting more stuff on my wall than usual. It's an attempt to stay visible on his news feed to attract his attention. I want him to know more about me.

I may be imagining things but his posts are usually close to when I post something up, whether it's a status update or sharing a link.

I get super excited when I see he's online (that little green dot on Facebook chat haha), and I tend to be disappointed when he's not.

And God (or whoever that's up there) really has a way of messing with my head. Yesterday I ran into him twice! The first was when I was rushing to the toilet prior to an 8am lecture because I was late, and once again he came out of the washroom as I was just about to go in. We had eye contact that lasted for what probably was only a second. But he definitely noticed me from the way he looked into my eyes.

The second time was when I was about to go home, at the parking lot. I was reversing my car and there he was walking a little further down the street, headed back to campus, probably after taking something from his car. Again, there was eye contact.

Isn't it ironic how you always run into a person the moment you start to like them!! It's like they're everywhere!! This was exactly what happened with Eric. And you all know how that went downhill for me.

Long time readers of my blog will know that my past experiences with crushes haven't went well, because I tend to imagine things. I always think something is there based on the 'signs' but in reality I'm usually only infatuating on something that was never there.

I'm not going to be an idiot again.
No crazy stalking or pouring out with emotional confessions. Nope.
The process is way too emotionally exhausting and embarrassing when I find out that he's straight or doesn't even give a rat's ass about me.

But he's all I can think about now! *slaps self in face*

Loneliness

Been feeling down..

Well this feeling isn't something new, it comes and goes..

Life in university hasn't been great, never felt more alone even though I'm surrounded by course mates. I can honestly say not a single one of them is a true friend, I wouldn't open up to any of them or be able to chat for hours and still not run out of things to say. I'm kind of sick of them.
I miss my old friends from high school. Now those guys were fun to be around. Too bad we are all separated now :(

Today in the lecture hall, no one sat next to me. I took a seat behind my regular 'gang' but they are mostly girls and tend to prefer sitting together. I feel a little uneasy when seated alone, when everyone in the class is talking but you are just staring into space and pretending to play with your phone, and you feel like someone is watching how pathetic you are.

You know what my problem is?
I'm anti social. I don't like to make small talk, heck I usually don't have much to say anyway. Everyone seems to be getting closer and dividing into smaller gangs, but I just don't fit into any one. My relationship with everyone is very superficial, hi/bye, talk about assignments kind of shit.

Frankly I don't want to fit in by pretending to enjoy talking about topics I don't care about. I like being independent and not talking a lot. But everyone else is just not like that. I guess what I'm saying is that there's no one else like me in my class. No one gets me.

Like a blue bird in a cage full of yellow ones.

I don't want to change myself just to not be the outcast, but at the same time I don't want to feel so alone. What the heck am I supposed to do?

Get a boyfriend? hahahahaha :P
Having a boyfriend to be obsessed about and getting lots of sex might take my mind off things! :P

-The part about the boyfriend is a joke. At least I still have some humour in me.-

A Little Sizzle

Just when I thought my life was completely deprived of sexiness, a hot young thing comes my way. Gosh, I shouldn't say that, it makes me sound like an old pedo or cougar. I'm still young okay :P

Here's the story.

Yesterday I received a facebook friend request from a guy from school. The profile looked SO VERY familiar because I have stalked it several times, though not recently. He's my junior by 1 intake, but we had a couple of common classes last semester. I have always been eyeing him since I first saw him. Definitely a looker. He's not the handsome nor hunky kind. More like slim twink who's the joker of the class, charismatic. Cute to look at, fun to be around type of guy.

Never spoke to him in class before because we stick to our gangs by intake.

But I ran into him a couple of times before, like literally.

The first time was after class I was talking to someone, he was headed for the door, just when I turned around I swung my arm a little and it hit his crotch spot on (What are the chances right!). I'm almost certain I hit his member. I quickly said 'Sorry' and he said 'Sorry' also. LOL.

The second time I was late for class but really had to pee so I was rushing to the toilet, just when I was zooming towards the toilet entrance he came out behind it and I almost collided with him had I not jerked myself back immediately. Again I said 'Sorry' and he said 'Sorry' AGAIN as well! That's his default response when someone apologizes to him perhaps. LOL!!

So these were our only encounters. I had a strong hunch that he was straight so I never bothered to contact him in any way.

But what does this friend request mean?
Does a straight guy add another guy he has never spoken to before?? Is it for networking? Technically we are not even friends. Sure we have 8 mutual friends, but that doesn't mean much.
Is that normal practice for straight guys?

Gosh!!!! See he's bringing out the crazy in me. I think too much.

To Gym or Not To Gym

I have put a decent amount of thought into it, and perhaps a gym membership is worth getting in the long run to improve my image :P

CF is opening a new branch in PJ, I passed by once and the consultant mentioned there was some opening promo, but I have read online from others on how some of the registration fees can be waived and all, and of course they might try to cheat you on the monthly fees...

So I'm thinking it might not be such a good idea to walk in alone. I have done some research and I know roughly how much it costs. Am I supposed to bargain like a aunty at the market? Sometimes having thick skin helps, but my skin is as thin as they come haha!

Gym is kind of intimidating for newbies. I wonder if I will be stared down? But my intentions are really to work out and improve my fitness, maybe also stare at some yummy candies hahaha!

Any advice fellow bloggers?

Kylie Magic

What can I say, you have to be there to feel what I felt. The audience was out in full force in terms of cheer and support, I was screaming, singing along and dancing away like there was no tomorrow.

On A Night Like This, I wanna stay forever.

At the end of it, my ears were ringing and my throat was sore. Exhausted and sweaty but never been more satisfied.

The Kylie live experience is highly recommended.





P.S. I didn't film this video, merely sharing a video from a fellow enthusiastic fan ;)