...MAN!!
Wow can I get any more obviously desperate. It's not about the sex, I mean sex is awesome but it's not JUST about sex. I'm craving for something more. A relationship. I just need somebody to love (quoting a Justin Bieber song made me slightly nauseous lol). As complicated and as contradicting as it may sound to what I said about myself previously, I think I'm ready to experience.
This is the effect of watching Glee. The show makes being in a relationship so effortless and heart warming. I know real life ain't nothing like TV. But watching the on screen couples sends a reminder to me everyday that I'm missing out on so much. It's like my life is stagnant because I'm too afraid or hesitant to take the steps.
I hope it isn't too late for me to start. I'm about to turn 21 and have never really been anyone's boyfriend officially. So it's unfamiliar territory.
So my question is.... how or where do I start?
How the hell do I approach someone or how do I let people know that I'm approachable?
Am I supposed to market myself lol?
How/where do you meet single guys?
Or a even better question, how would you know if the guy you're interested in is one of us?
Hahaha you are probably shaking your head or laughing out loud now.
Come on, I'm taking baby steps here. At least I'm taking the initiative to ask for help and advice rite? :P
Let's launch campaign 'Help J-boy Get Hitched by 2011' LOL!!!!!
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Dim Sum Treat
Just came back from Dim Sum lunch at Damansara. The moment I stepped into the restaurant, something really yummy caught my eye!! You know what I mean hehehe ;)
Hot guy in his late twenties or early thirties. Definitely working already, mature looking. In simple casual wear on a Saturday, got that laid back, slept in look, slightly messy hair, armed with a bag that definitely makes him a metrosexual, if not one of us. Most importantly, he was alone! Who eats dim sum alone?? Poor guy :P
We sat at a table next to his, which was by the cashier. The restaurant was packed with customers and waiters running here and there, yet in the midst of all the chaos and shouting, his presence never failed to catch my attention. Obviously I kept looking over, ogling like crazy.
His body wasn't toned, I guess he doesn't go to the gym. But that face was the money maker. Definitely falls into the category of good looking, handsome, boyish look. Sometimes he would look over to my side, even though I'm quite sure he wasn't looking at me.
There was a lot of food on his table, so I suspect he was waiting for someone to come. But his friends were really unpunctual. Made him wait alone... like a miserable guy who has no one to eat with. So cham rite!! He was playing with his phone to kill time.
Finally his friends came. A guy and a girl, but they didn't look like a couple, so I came to the natural conclusion that the 3 of them were just friends. He appeared mild mannered when interacting with them, slightly bashful which is a really endearing combo for a good looking guy. *drools*
Before I left the shop, I gave him one last long look. Yet he didn't noticed haha.
See... I'm so observant, instead of just looking at my lunch, I scan for the 'fishes' out there!! When will I be able to reel in my own catch? hehehe ;)
Hot guy in his late twenties or early thirties. Definitely working already, mature looking. In simple casual wear on a Saturday, got that laid back, slept in look, slightly messy hair, armed with a bag that definitely makes him a metrosexual, if not one of us. Most importantly, he was alone! Who eats dim sum alone?? Poor guy :P
We sat at a table next to his, which was by the cashier. The restaurant was packed with customers and waiters running here and there, yet in the midst of all the chaos and shouting, his presence never failed to catch my attention. Obviously I kept looking over, ogling like crazy.
His body wasn't toned, I guess he doesn't go to the gym. But that face was the money maker. Definitely falls into the category of good looking, handsome, boyish look. Sometimes he would look over to my side, even though I'm quite sure he wasn't looking at me.
There was a lot of food on his table, so I suspect he was waiting for someone to come. But his friends were really unpunctual. Made him wait alone... like a miserable guy who has no one to eat with. So cham rite!! He was playing with his phone to kill time.
Finally his friends came. A guy and a girl, but they didn't look like a couple, so I came to the natural conclusion that the 3 of them were just friends. He appeared mild mannered when interacting with them, slightly bashful which is a really endearing combo for a good looking guy. *drools*
Before I left the shop, I gave him one last long look. Yet he didn't noticed haha.
See... I'm so observant, instead of just looking at my lunch, I scan for the 'fishes' out there!! When will I be able to reel in my own catch? hehehe ;)
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Expiry Date
*This post is not about me*
It's really a shame how every relationship has an expiry date.
Recently I found out 2 of my friends (both girls) broke up with their boyfriends. I feel sorry for them because both couples have been together for at least 2 years, and it's considered as 2 of the longest relationships among all my high school mates. Everyone else is either still single (like me!) or in a new relationship.
I can't imagine how they are feeling now. One ended the relationship because the guy just stopped loving her, while the other one I'm not sure why it ended because she's abroad now. Poor girl went over there just to be with her bf, so now that it's over I don't know if she will continue studying there.
These couples were simply mad about each other during better times. Sometimes when I see them getting all lovey and PDA-ing during meet ups I just feel warm and filled with hope. Who would have known that even the strong relationships break. This proves that nothing lasts forever, no matter how much you genuinely loved that person at one point. Because hearts change in time. Feelings fade. You can say that won't happen, but really do you think you can stop it when it happens? It comes almost without warning.
The worst thing is when you stop loving someone, and can't turn back. Doesn't matter if you feel sorry for your partner because he still loves you. Once it's lost, it can't be returned. You could pretend, but it won't be the same. I'm not pessimistic, just stating what I have observed and experienced.
Maybe this is why I'm still single. Just the thought of all the trouble and pain of being in one. And then having it end just like that. I don't want to break anyone's heart. I don't want my heart to be broken. Childish right. I wish I could love someone unconditionally forever, but I'm afraid that won't happen.
There's a limit to how much I can give and take. I suck at this.
Anyone out there who thinks they can love another person forever and always?
I need hope :)
It's really a shame how every relationship has an expiry date.
Recently I found out 2 of my friends (both girls) broke up with their boyfriends. I feel sorry for them because both couples have been together for at least 2 years, and it's considered as 2 of the longest relationships among all my high school mates. Everyone else is either still single (like me!) or in a new relationship.
I can't imagine how they are feeling now. One ended the relationship because the guy just stopped loving her, while the other one I'm not sure why it ended because she's abroad now. Poor girl went over there just to be with her bf, so now that it's over I don't know if she will continue studying there.
These couples were simply mad about each other during better times. Sometimes when I see them getting all lovey and PDA-ing during meet ups I just feel warm and filled with hope. Who would have known that even the strong relationships break. This proves that nothing lasts forever, no matter how much you genuinely loved that person at one point. Because hearts change in time. Feelings fade. You can say that won't happen, but really do you think you can stop it when it happens? It comes almost without warning.
The worst thing is when you stop loving someone, and can't turn back. Doesn't matter if you feel sorry for your partner because he still loves you. Once it's lost, it can't be returned. You could pretend, but it won't be the same. I'm not pessimistic, just stating what I have observed and experienced.
Maybe this is why I'm still single. Just the thought of all the trouble and pain of being in one. And then having it end just like that. I don't want to break anyone's heart. I don't want my heart to be broken. Childish right. I wish I could love someone unconditionally forever, but I'm afraid that won't happen.
There's a limit to how much I can give and take. I suck at this.
Anyone out there who thinks they can love another person forever and always?
I need hope :)
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Tata
'Tata' is such an awesome word, to have it as your stage name is simply special. Memorable.
Doesn't it remind you of Gaga? :)
Tata Young.
Thai singer, model, actress, entertainer.
She's the closest when it comes to picking a gay icon for South East Asia.
I mean the image and type of music, which is all hot and sexy and going after the boys ;)
I'm writing about her because I was going through my collection of old songs and decided to put a spin on her 'Temperature Rising' album. Excellent effort with tracks like Come Rain Come Shine, Zoom, Mila Mila and a cover of For You I Will.
You will be surprised how well she can sing in English for an Asian. And she has a lovely voice too.
This was the first Tata Young single I heard.. I would imagine plus dancing & bitching to this track. This may be where I got my bitchiness from haha..
There's one other super duper fucking sexy music video, for the track El Nin Yo, which I dance to in my room whenever I feel naughty, but somehow YouTube doesn't allow Malaysian viewers to see it :(
But she's not all about sexy, fast numbers. Some of the more mellow tracks in 'Temperature Rising' really showcase her vocal abilities.
Possibly my favourite Asian English singer :)
Doesn't it remind you of Gaga? :)
Tata Young.
Thai singer, model, actress, entertainer.
She's the closest when it comes to picking a gay icon for South East Asia.
I mean the image and type of music, which is all hot and sexy and going after the boys ;)
I'm writing about her because I was going through my collection of old songs and decided to put a spin on her 'Temperature Rising' album. Excellent effort with tracks like Come Rain Come Shine, Zoom, Mila Mila and a cover of For You I Will.
You will be surprised how well she can sing in English for an Asian. And she has a lovely voice too.
This was the first Tata Young single I heard.. I would imagine plus dancing & bitching to this track. This may be where I got my bitchiness from haha..
There's one other super duper fucking sexy music video, for the track El Nin Yo, which I dance to in my room whenever I feel naughty, but somehow YouTube doesn't allow Malaysian viewers to see it :(
But she's not all about sexy, fast numbers. Some of the more mellow tracks in 'Temperature Rising' really showcase her vocal abilities.
Possibly my favourite Asian English singer :)
Thursday, April 7, 2011
till the world ends!
It's Britney, bitch!!
Now this is HOT. Much better video than Hold It Against Me. We see a more real Britney. Not so plastic and dazed like she's been drugged.
Life is so busy now, there's hardly any time to think about him or love. That's actually a good thing. Don't wanna feel miserable. But having a ton of work isn't exactly uplifting either. At least it forces me to stay focused.
Friday is coming, and we all know Saturday comes after that, and then it's Sunday. Thanks to Rebecca Black ;)
If you still don't know who she is, please whack yourself on the head.
Everybody's looking forward to the weekend, weekend....
Now this is HOT. Much better video than Hold It Against Me. We see a more real Britney. Not so plastic and dazed like she's been drugged.
Life is so busy now, there's hardly any time to think about him or love. That's actually a good thing. Don't wanna feel miserable. But having a ton of work isn't exactly uplifting either. At least it forces me to stay focused.
Friday is coming, and we all know Saturday comes after that, and then it's Sunday. Thanks to Rebecca Black ;)
If you still don't know who she is, please whack yourself on the head.
Everybody's looking forward to the weekend, weekend....
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Empty
There's nothing inside. A void.
I'm now at the phase in the cycle where it's just empty and silent. Feels like there's a hole in my heart. I'm not happy. Not sad. Not angry. Not frustrated. Not contented. Not hopeful. Not strong. Not weak. Just empty.
Still can't stop visiting his blog. It's just a click away. He's updating much more frequently now, as though he knows someone is watching because the updates used to be quite scarce. He's soulful. Has a great heart. Appreciates family. Such a nice guy.
Why am I so desperate for love? Is it really a necessity? Can we live without the romantic type of love? Sure there's family love and love from friends. But it can't substitute 'love love' right?
Why can't humans be naturally inclined to be alone and independent, and not feel the need to be clingy to another person? Why do we need to feel love?
I can't feel anything right now. Like a robot.
Beep beep beep beep beep.
Beep beep. Beep.
Beeeeeeeeeeeeepppp.
Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep.
Now I'm just spamming my own blog.
Maybe it's time to take a break from blogging again. Since I don't feel anything, there's nothing to write about anymore.
I'm now at the phase in the cycle where it's just empty and silent. Feels like there's a hole in my heart. I'm not happy. Not sad. Not angry. Not frustrated. Not contented. Not hopeful. Not strong. Not weak. Just empty.
Still can't stop visiting his blog. It's just a click away. He's updating much more frequently now, as though he knows someone is watching because the updates used to be quite scarce. He's soulful. Has a great heart. Appreciates family. Such a nice guy.
Why am I so desperate for love? Is it really a necessity? Can we live without the romantic type of love? Sure there's family love and love from friends. But it can't substitute 'love love' right?
Why can't humans be naturally inclined to be alone and independent, and not feel the need to be clingy to another person? Why do we need to feel love?
I can't feel anything right now. Like a robot.
Beep beep beep beep beep.
Beep beep. Beep.
Beeeeeeeeeeeeepppp.
Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep.
Now I'm just spamming my own blog.
Maybe it's time to take a break from blogging again. Since I don't feel anything, there's nothing to write about anymore.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Bitch is Back
I'm merely referring to myself haha. I actually enjoy calling myself that. Bitch.
I'm over being sad. No.. Wait, that's a lie. I AM sick of being sad, but there's still some sadness in my system. But since it's too tiring to be that way, so I'm just going to be bitchy and fun.
One of my lecturers back in college once said that we always gotta give our best in everything we do, even if we don't feel confident or a 100%, we just gotta fake it until we make it there eventually. Never show your weaknesses.
Similarly I will just pretend I'm over New Guy until I really am over him. I'm playing reserve psychology with my own mind. How amusing.
There's something else I wanna share.
Today while I was at the computer room in Uni, I overheard (not really overheard, since they were talking SO LOUD) 3 students using the computer beside me who were discussing the issue of homosexuality. One of them even had a fake English accent which made me want to stab myself in the ear. I think they are Arts students that had an assignment about censorship, and they were using the example of Lady Gaga's Born This Way having the line "No matter gay, straight or bi, lesbian transgendered life" being censored from Malaysian radios.
So they were discussing how homosexuality was still not accepted in Malaysia and the fact that even though there is increasing global acceptance for it, it doesn't mean that it's RIGHT. Yeah, one of them said just coz ppl are fine with gays now, it doesn't mean that being gay is right. 2 of them were clearly homophobic. Then one of the girls said 'They say that being gay is not a choice' in a tone which showed she clearly didn't believe in the statement, as though gays want to be gay because they woke up one day and had nothing better to think about.
It suddenly hit me that straight people just don't get it, no matter how much we explain it to them, because they were never in our shoes. You can say a million times that
'I just knew I was gay and honestly if I really had a choice I would choose to be straight because life would be so much easier without the judgment'
but they still won't be able to truly understand. They don't know the feelings that we have for our own gender. It comes naturally. Just like how a straight guy sees a girl and he gets those feelings. But honestly I don't blame them from being that way, because they never went through what we did so it's very hard to relate.
I used to think acceptance from straights was important. But not anymore, since they don't really get it anyway. Screw them. As long as I accept who I am, and understand why I am like this, I'm HAPPY.
Yeah, the bitch has spoken! :P
I'm over being sad. No.. Wait, that's a lie. I AM sick of being sad, but there's still some sadness in my system. But since it's too tiring to be that way, so I'm just going to be bitchy and fun.
One of my lecturers back in college once said that we always gotta give our best in everything we do, even if we don't feel confident or a 100%, we just gotta fake it until we make it there eventually. Never show your weaknesses.
Similarly I will just pretend I'm over New Guy until I really am over him. I'm playing reserve psychology with my own mind. How amusing.
There's something else I wanna share.
Today while I was at the computer room in Uni, I overheard (not really overheard, since they were talking SO LOUD) 3 students using the computer beside me who were discussing the issue of homosexuality. One of them even had a fake English accent which made me want to stab myself in the ear. I think they are Arts students that had an assignment about censorship, and they were using the example of Lady Gaga's Born This Way having the line "No matter gay, straight or bi, lesbian transgendered life" being censored from Malaysian radios.
So they were discussing how homosexuality was still not accepted in Malaysia and the fact that even though there is increasing global acceptance for it, it doesn't mean that it's RIGHT. Yeah, one of them said just coz ppl are fine with gays now, it doesn't mean that being gay is right. 2 of them were clearly homophobic. Then one of the girls said 'They say that being gay is not a choice' in a tone which showed she clearly didn't believe in the statement, as though gays want to be gay because they woke up one day and had nothing better to think about.
It suddenly hit me that straight people just don't get it, no matter how much we explain it to them, because they were never in our shoes. You can say a million times that
'I just knew I was gay and honestly if I really had a choice I would choose to be straight because life would be so much easier without the judgment'
but they still won't be able to truly understand. They don't know the feelings that we have for our own gender. It comes naturally. Just like how a straight guy sees a girl and he gets those feelings. But honestly I don't blame them from being that way, because they never went through what we did so it's very hard to relate.
I used to think acceptance from straights was important. But not anymore, since they don't really get it anyway. Screw them. As long as I accept who I am, and understand why I am like this, I'm HAPPY.
Yeah, the bitch has spoken! :P
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