L.S.E. Day

Everyone experiences it once in a while, and it's happening to me today.
L.S.E. stands for low self esteem.

Maybe this has to do with the whole Eric incident, but I think it's been going on for as long as I remember. You know, generally I'm a confident person. I excel in studies, I'm not afraid to do presentations in front of the class, I'm not afraid to talk to strangers and acquaintances I meet outside. But I get all self conscious when it comes to love and guys.

I have never said this before, but deep down I don't think I'm attractive. I doubt I would appeal sexually to other guys. Especially in the plu world where appearance and presentation is vital.
Maybe this is why I don't approach guys... because I don't know how they will respond.

I avoid looking in mirrors because I don't really enjoy staring at myself.
I'm too thin. Have problems gaining weight so I look like a skeleton.
I'm not muscular and fit like the guys you see in the gym.
I have poor complexion. My skin is sensitive and breakout prone.
My hair is weird because I suck at styling it.
I think I'm too hairy. Like my arms and legs.
I think my forehead is too big.
My eyes are too small.
I wear specs. And I realized I only fall for guys who don't wear them.
Oh yeah and not to mention being gay. In the early years it was hard to accept being different, but now I'm comfortable to be plu. It's just the appearance part I haven't come into terms with.

Over the years I developed a defensive mechanism by ignoring the occasional glances from other people. But actually I'm thankful because no one has ever said anything nasty to my face. I was never bullied or teased in school so that does make me feel less crappy.

I don't think I'm ugly... meaning I won't scare people off when walking on the street. But I'm not good looking either. No one has ever said they found me attractive sexually.

I bet my market value is close to zero lol.