A lot is going through my mind... stuff related to me, stuff related to the people around me.
Looking back at my posts in the last 3 months or so I realize I've become a different person. It's not necessarily a good or bad thing, after all change is a part of life and all of us are ever changing. A progression.
Perhaps my recent lifestyle choices have been questionable and some of you probably don't agree with it. There are days where I do feel some sort of regret, though on other days I see it differently and my conscience allows me to go through with it. Kind off see-sawing back and forth.
Like there are 2 sides of me, and right now the wilder, bitchier side is winning, maybe because I'm feeling the need to let loose and have fun to compensate for all the years that I've been such a good boy.
On another note, today is the first time I've felt lonely in a very long time. Been fierce and independent all this while, and honestly enjoying it. But this horrible feeling of self pity can be attributed to one man. A hot, young, handsome, charming, sexy stranger that had a brief connection (non-sexual) with me at the gym. I have been gushing about him on facebook. There's just something special about him that reminded me of what it was like to have feelings for someone (recalling all the times I had crushes on the guys in Uni), recalling the possibility of actually being in a relationship. And then I remembered the pain, vulnerability and complications that comes along with love.
All of these feelings were ignited not because I'm in love with this guy, nor is he in love with me. We barely know each other. But it's because I see myself being with someone like him... as in someone that you envision having a future with (not him specifically, but he's definitely my type)... hence I started having thoughts of the possibilities in life.
But then again on deeper thought, I think I'm still not ready and don't want a relationship now. The cons far outweigh the pros. Maybe all I need is a good fuck lol.
Hahaha sorry if I'm confusing you... I don't really know how to explain it.
And this is the first time I'm writing about emotions in a long time.
Hope that doesn't make me any less exciting haha! I'm still a bitch that says it like it is. :P
Writing about emotion shows who you are to your readers. It's a good type of post that I would love to read. It allows your readers to get to know you in another way.
ReplyDeleteIt's very common when we see a guy that matches the prototype model we have in the computer data of the brain, we will start to envision and hope how nice if he will like you too and how nice if he also want to be in a relationship with you.
That is what makes us go search for the 'one' but then again, you might get someone who doesn't fit the criteria of your dream guy but sometimes, what you get is better than what you wanted.
the bad defines the good, and if it gets terribly bad the good feels amazingly better. So don't be
ReplyDeleteafraid to fall in.
"It's better to have loved and hurt than to have never loved before"
btw , why is ur nipples dark , usually chinese nipples will be pink wat ?anyway , nvm la , m nipples brown
ReplyDeletesorry , i meant my bf had brown niples , and it was so kissable la
ReplyDeletei heard brown nipples = been sucked a lot and pink nipples = never been sucked
ReplyDeletehohohohoho
I guess this happens to all of us. You see someone your type and start thinking of what it'd be like to be with someone like that. The future. And I don't think that's bad. I mean, falling in love and being in a relationship is scary. There's always the possibility of your heart getting broken and all that drama. So, I personally believe that it's normal to have swaying thoughts like that. Well, as long as you're still the same old you deep down it's fine. *hug*
ReplyDeleteKena cupid arrow!! Now you either pull it out asap or leave it there. =D
ReplyDeleteBut then again, if you are able to weigh and deduce the pros and cons of being in a relationhip...then where's the thrill and excitement going to be ?
ReplyDeleteerr.. a bit complex.. just enjoy everyday la :)
ReplyDeleteimagining is ok but don't imagining too much,you just do it and approach him,no harm!
ReplyDelete@Calvin: Noted. Thanks :)
ReplyDelete@Kay & Ooi: Hahahaha you guys turned this into nipple talk. I actually pulled up my shirt to check the colour LOL. Ooi when you said pink I think you are talking about the teat right? Well I guess mine are more to brown with a little bit of pink hahahaha.
Kay that means I've had plenty of nipple action.. even though I don't really enjoy it :P
@Aiden: Hehehe the swaying thoughts part was actually referring to something else I have been doing lately. Not the relationship thingy :P
@Kaylex: I wanna leave it there hahaha but this guy is too hot, he's way out of my league la :P
@CX: Hmmm i think the thrill and excitement comes from what a couple does together.. like the activities, gestures, surprises. Those are the pros.. but the cons is more like referring to internal conflict and emotional issues :/
@Danny: Good advice hahaha! :)
@Ash: Argghhh I wanna approach him, but the problem is I don't see him anymore at the gym. :( But I think when I do run into him again, I will be too shy and chicken out hahaha