What am I now?

Don't roll your eyes, this is not another emo post.

Things have settled. It's been a week since I went emo again. Yes, I lied. Even when I claimed to be in the 'sexy period', there was one night that I just couldn't control myself, all the feelings for him came rushing back. Then I remembered that it was all in my head and he didn't want me. There were tears but it's fine coz I needed to let it out of my system.

I'm on the other side now. Finally taken another step away from him instead of constantly going back and forth. But sometimes I still turn my head back just to catch a glimpse of him. I know I can't have him, but that doesn't mean I don't still admire him. From a distance of course.

Alright enough of that. Now that the emotions are in control and the drama is over, I'm actually feeling bored! What a bitch right? The moment I get some inner peace I start to yawn hahaha. And FYI I didn't get laid ok. Successfully controlled my sexual urges. The horny dancing phase has passed. Not sure when it will be back though ;)

For the past 2 months I have went through many phases. Let's take a quick recap:
Crazy in love bitch -> Just plain crazy bitch -> Angry, bitter bitch -> Sad, heart broken bitch -> Ice cold bitch -> Back to sadness bitch -> Sexy, horny bitch -> Now what? bitch

None of the characters above felt true you know. And because I have not been myself for so long, I have forgotten what it means to be 'myself'. Having an identity crisis at the moment. Don't know how I should act or what I should feel. It's weird because nothing feels right and it scares me. Like I'm a blank canvas with no real personality. Hence the boredom.

Think I need to do some soul searching. Really dig deep and recall all the positive values I have learned as a human being for 20 years. There's gotta be something there right? I need to reinvent myself.