Joe Journal 1

11th March, 2013 Monday
Having seen you on Thursday and Saturday, I figured you follow an alternate day work out pattern like me, so I was really hoping to see you again today. Even though I was tired from work, I dragged myself to the gym, putting contact lenses and fixing my hair for you.

I reached around 8. Didn't see you anywhere, was disappointed obviously that my efforts have gone to waste. Resumed with workout, then shower. Just when I was walking out, I saw you, AGAIN as I was LEAVING hahaha, you're lifting the barbell as usual. I actually stopped walking for a second and just stared at you. So handsome. The moment we looked into each others eyes, you looked like you lost focus and immediately threw the barbell back on the rack. Did I startle you? I was so surprised to see you, didn't think you would come so late. Were you happy to see me? Or were you just put off by the fact that a creep was staring at you? Either way, I was glad I saw you.

12th March, 2013 Tuesday
Today is a rest day. Luckily I was able to control myself and not think about you too much.

13th March, 2013 Wednesday
My hormones have gone full blast. Spent most of my day at work dreaming about you, because I might see you again soon. After work I felt feverish and nauseous. Took panadol and quick nap, it was raining quick heavily. Despite feeling like crap, I still dolled myself up and went to the gym. Many people came later today because of the rain and jam. I was praying you would show up eventually. 8pm. 8.30pm. 9pm. 9.30pm. NO sign of you. I feel like shit.

Thousand thoughts running through my mind.
Did I scare you away? Don't think so, I'm probably not that influential. Do you even care that I'm looking at you? Why did we exchange eye contact? Do you feel the same way about me? How can it be, why would you even like me? Most people don't just fall for complete strangers like that, especially when they haven't even spoken to each other. I must be imagining it all in my head. I look at the mirror and am disgusted by what I see. Why would you even be attracted to me, when you're like the hottest guy in the gym? I look retarded, my body is no where near as awesome as yours, my facial features are not striking at all. You're too good to be true, I know it, my mind knows it, but my heart just can't stop hoping. What's wrong with me? Why can't I get over you? Why do I care about you? Why am I always the one to fall for someone first? Why can't a guy make the first move? I hate being like that, that's why I don't wanna be in love or have feelings. It makes me weak, so defenseless, it tears my self confidence down to pieces. I'm nothing. I'm probably going to be alone forever.

I wish you would just give me a sign. For once, please god just let it be true, and not just in my head. I don't wanna be crazy.

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XOXO